Reconciliation:

A Process of Human Balance

2005-2006


Finding Self and Praxis within the World


Kealani Kiesling

How do I define Reconciliation?

Reconciliation means to be reconciled, it means where once there was conflict, distance, or dispute there is now peace, unity, communion, and dialogue.  I needed to reconcile, to dialogue, and to unite where I have been with where I am now in order to move forward with joy and balance.  I needed to reconcile with the physical, spiritual, intellectual and emotional realities of my life in order to move from self to praxis.

 

How did this interpretation of Reconciliation effect what I did?

Last year, Patience helped me awaken, helped me accept who I was psychologically, and ethnically.  This year, Reconciliation continued that journey of acceptance so that I could move more fully from myself to some sense of community.  My journey into Reconciliation required me to reconcile with things in my life.  I had to dialogue with and come to peace with aspects of my religion, my gender, my reality, and my humanity.  I had to learn what to accept in my life, and critically determine what needed to change.  I approached my life as a classroom, fully participating in reality instead of allowing life to drift by.

 

What did I do?

I had conversations with strangers. I deepened relationships with family and friends by asking and answering deeper questions. I started to learn how to knit. I traveled to places to have adventures, to learn about myself, about culture, about stories.  I listened. I learned more about my cultural and family history. I moved to a new place and began making it my home. I read. I meditated.  I began exploring Ayurveda. I helped my sister move to her newly purchased home. I focused on my finances, creating an Excel worksheet for a budget and debt analysis while also organizing my paperwork within file folders. I helped plan and orchestrate my friends' wedding on Maui.  I edited a Yoga brochure. I became willing to be laughed at, asking the 'silly' questions because I honestly wanted to learn. I wrote.  I helped our friends move. I interviewed with a work/internship organization. I watched endless numbers of documentaries, each telling someone's story. I started helping my sister plan her wedding. I continued to study ways to improve my health. I started practicing yoga once a week.  I got engaged. I met my new nephew, Kekoa.  I introduced my fiancé to my family.  I lived, and I learned.

            I looked at what it means to be a woman, a Hawaiian, a student, a spiritualist, a counselor, a writer, a sexual being, a story teller, and a human.  Essentially, I explored and dabbled in the following subject areas: Women's Studies, Women's Literature, Religious Studies, African American Studies, Asian Studies, Hawaiian Studies, Cultural Studies, Self-Exploratory Writing, Psychology, Sociology, Gender Studies, Current Events, Health, Human Development, Family Studies, and Communication. 

 

What did I learn?

I reconciled with essential truths of my reality.  I learned how to live holistically, enabling a healthier physical and emotional life. I learned other stories, and through such wisdom learned more about my own.  I learned how to be a student of life so that my learning wasn't only in school. I learned that I will never stop learning, growing, and changing.  I accepted that I will never know enough, and that I just need to ask, listen, and connect.


What difference did this make?

This program solidified my goals for my future, enhancing skills and education that I already had.  I am more internally balanced and grounded. I am no longer petrified by fear. I have a confidence and hope for my future.  I am healthier, no longer enslaved by migraines.  The blessing of my internal reconciliation overflows into all aspects of my life and my interaction with the world. 



Finding Self and Praxis within the World

 

16 credits – Individual Project Work

 

12 credits – Women's Studies

 

12 credits – Cultural Studies

 

8 credits – Writing


16 credits – Individual Project Work

I.              Health & Wellbeing

II.            Finance & Future

III.          Family & Home

 


I.              Health & Wellbeing

 

As part of my Individual Project work, I focused on my physical and emotional wellbeing.  Seven years ago, I began having migraines that were so severe that I would be incapacitated for a week.  After several misdiagnoses and the subsequent medications and side-effects, I was finally referred to a neurologist.  She started me on heavy doses of preventative medication and migraine medication.  However, it was a process to find medication that would work and wouldn't have too many side effects.  During this time of trial and error, I had to drop out of school because while I was able to complete all the work, I had exceeded all of the attendance policies.

 

I spent the next 4 years dosed up.  The medication resulted in me sometimes only having 2 migraines a month, often limiting their length to a day or two each.  I was able to work because my employers understood my condition.  As my condition wasn't getting any worse (nor any better), I decided to return to school.  However, when I moved down to Olympia for school and got a job, my new employers terminated me for being a half-day over their attendance policy. 

 

I choose the Patience program partly because class attendance wasn't required.  I knew that I would lose credit in any class that based evaluation on class attendance. I also choose it because it encouraged alternative ways of learning, recognizing multiple intelligences.  I hoped through the class to find ways to deal with my migraines without so much medication.  Throughout last year, I stopped taking preventative medication and changed my birth control.  Instead, at the urging of an Evergreen Clinic doctor, I started looking into herbal alternatives.  As part of this process, I started seeing a psychologist.  She gave me constructive ways to deal with emotional and physical stress.  Essentially, I was looking at my migraines in a holistic way, seeing how they were tied to my cycle, my emotional condition, and my physical health.  

 

This year, in Reconciliation I have continued and built on what I learned last year.  In addition to those things I did for my migraines, I started looking at my family's health history in addition to my own.  I stared researching and trying out ways that I could improve my health.  As part of this, I joined a gym with a salt-water pool to swim laps in and that offered yoga classes that I could start a weekly yoga practice with.  Every once in a while I take their elliptical on a spin too. 

 

I implement the suggestions that my psychologist encouraged last year.  I continue to journal to work out issues.  I cry when I need to.  I proactively engage in my relationship with my partner and my loved ones.  I find ways to de-stress, relax, and pamper myself.  I eat more iron before my cycle.  I continue to research ways to be healthier. I stopped regularly taking ibuprofen, Aleve, and other pain medications.  I stopped taking my migraine medication.  I was no longer dosed up.  Instead, I now have herbal and nutritional remedies.  I take feverfew or drink an herbal tea when I have bad headaches.  I take a multi-herbal headache remedy when I feel migraine indicators.  I focus on my breath and open my chakras.  I relax my shoulders.  I make sure I have sufficient rest and water.  I take a daily multivitamin with vitamin B and magnesium.  While I have a bad headache about once a month that lasts a couple of hours, I haven't had a migraine in 6 months.  My life is changed; the oppressor no longer enslaves me.  I am free and filled with hope. 

 

The following is a list of sources that I documented.  While this list is important, I didn't document the number of web sites I frequented related to naturopathic medicine, migraines, and alternative healing.  If you type in any of those subjects or their corollaries, endless amounts of information will be available at a click of a button.

 

 

1.    Agatston, Arthur (M.D.). The South Beach Diet: The Delicious, Doctor-Designed, Foolproof Plan for Fast and Healthy Weight Loss. New York: Rodale, 2003.

 

Weight has always been an issue in my family, an obsession that has lead to feelings of self-hate and depression.  To be fat, as I came to understand it from my dad's obsessive comments about it and my mother's constant attempts to lose it, was to be slothful, sinful, ugly, and undesirable.  Because I was larger then most of my friends (all a year younger and of different body types) I grew up with a distorted self-image, always seeing myself as obese.   

My first clear self-conscious memory is when I was 6 or 7 and my mom had dressed me up in a cute, frilly mint green and white dress.  I remember the arm bands digging into my chubby little arms.  I remember crying, telling my mom I didn't want my picture taken.  She didnÕt understand, drying my tears she told me I looked pretty and to smile for the camera. Cheeks flushing with shame, I stood still for the flash, waiting for my "fatness" to be immortalized on film then developed for all to gawk at.  Twenty years later, looking at the picture, I see a solemn little girl dressed in a pretty green and white dress.  The great "fatness" I remembered being mere puppy fat gently rounding out little cheeks and arms.   

However, despite these feelings of obesity, I had never dieted.  I had firmly decided that I refused to participate in the cycle of denial, shame, deprivation, hunger, and defeat involved in the dieting frenzy that my mom and most women I've known put themselves through.  Any diet, even a reasonable healthy one, seems like an imposition, seems like a violation of how I view food and it's relation to lifestyle and spirituality.  However, as I get older and continue to maintain a weight that is higher then is healthy, I am just now coming to accept that I need to change the way I think about food, interact with food, and enjoy food. I guess I have been unconsciously providing a false either/or dilemma to myself about food.  Either I enjoy it and eat anything (and everything) I want, or I don't enjoy it and harshly refrain from eating anything I want.  This false dilemma has resulted in my maintaining unhealthy eating habits such that when I add in good things and take out bad, I just seem to replace the bad with other unhealthy options (i.e. instead of daily consuming sweets and a bowlful of ice-cream, I started drinking more beer and eating more pizza). 

Having honestly evaluated my diet, I realized that I needed to find a healthier balance to my eating. The traditional Hawaiian diet was a restricted diet.  This restriction was based on the kapu system and on the foods available throughout the year to the common populace. Fruits high on the glycemic chart were okay because there werenÕt processed sugars, and Hawaiians ate a diet rich in fiber and other unprocessed nutrients (fruits, veggies, nuts, and lean meats).  This made the general Hawaiian populace healthy and vigorous, able to live long, fulfilling, and productive lives.  Looking at my family's health history is like looking into the mirror of many native peoples exposed to a western diet: obesity, heart disease, hypertension, diabetes, and various other health ailments.  So while I knew I needed to reevaluate my diet, I wasnÕt willing to just jump onto the fad diet wagon.  First, I did a bunch of reading on the internet about various diets and what their basic premises were.  Then I looked at how balanced these diets were, and whether they had any sort of scientific evaluations or long term analysis.  This is how I happened upon Dr. Agatston's diet.   

  I decided to read Dr. Agatston's book because I'd read that his diet was more balanced then most diets, and most importantly it was originally developed to positively influence health instead of primarily focused on weight loss.  Dr. Agatston is a cardiologist who developed his diet for his patients, so that they would have a diet that would be healthy, maintainable, and flexible. 

I was willing to read the book because I needed to make changes in my life.  However, it took so many years to accept who I was, and to realize that fat wasnÕt evil that I wanted to make sure that I didn't screw up my self-acceptance by choosing a diet inherently focused on appearance.   I saw the destructiveness of yo-yo dieting on my mom and her friends, not only on their health but also on their mental well-being and self-acceptance.  Their dieting encouraged an obsession with food and weight that I refused to focus on.  The constant focus on portions and control made it so that food and their weight was their focus almost 24/7.  I refused to get into that obsessive cycle.  From reading his book, Dr. Agatston's diet seems like it provides a non-obsessive method.  

Having read the book, I found I was attracted to Dr. Agatston's diet because he considered the overall health of the patient including a person's natural urges and desire/need to sometimes treat themselves.  I am glad he didn't have an unrealistic view of what people can do.  Essentially, I hope to healthfully (spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically) change my lifestyle.  I believe that the South Beach diet can be one vehicle or tool that I can use to change some things.  However, I want to keep a realistic view of things, acknowledging that my obesity isn't the root of all my troubles.  Hopefully, going into this with my eyes wide open and my brain critically analyzing, I can avoid most of the pitfalls while enjoying the rewards.

 

 

2.    Tiwari, Maya. A Life of Balance: The Complete Guide to Ayurvedic Nutrition & Body Types with Recipes. Rochester: Healing Arts, 1995.

 

I became interested in Ayurveda because of my migraines and my desire to change lifestyle habits in a positive way.  People that I had talked to suggested that I read Deepak Chopra's work, as it is a good introduction to the tradition.  I found this text in a used books store, and picked it up because its title expressed my desire for a balanced life. I originally started this text a quarter back, but then put in on the back-burner.  Initially, I wasn't sure if this was a good representative text for Ayurvedic Nutrition as I hadn't heard of this author before.  So, I read Deepak Chopra's Perfect Weight and Perfect Digestion books. However, I talked with yoga instructor Rasika who is currently taking an Ayurvedic Certification Course.  She browsed through the text, and reviewed her syllabus only to find out that it is a recommended text for her course.  With this recommendation, I've now picked it back up again.

I've found that some of the practices seem impractical, so I have yet to decide whether I will try them.  While I believe that this health system is a valuable way of living, I disagree with the fundamental premise that you can be in perfect health.  I believe that our systems are so complex and our interactions with the changing physical realities around us make it impossible to be perfectly healthy all the time.  However, I do agree that it is possible to be healthier more of the time by following wise teachings.

My next hesitation with the system is that it was developed in India, and practiced by Indians.  Part of me believes that while many things within the system are practical for everybody, particulars within the system might be healthier for those peoples who had similar evolutionary development and not so healthy for other peoples.  This hesitation comes from the detrimental physical realities experienced by Indigenous Native peoples (including Native Hawaiians) exposed to a western diet. 

Thus, while I'm excited to more fully explore this nutritional tradition, I'm not willing to convert to following everything within the system until I find out how my body reacts to some of the more minor changes, moderation in all things.  

 

 

3.    Chopra, Deepak (M.D.). Perfect Digestion: the key to balanced living. New York: Harmony Books, 1995.

 

In many ways this was my introduction to Ayurvedic Nutrition.  I initially got this book from the library because my partner suffers from IBS.  Since I desired to not only improve my own health, but his also I felt that this would be a good text to read.  Most of the information was facts that I was already aware of regarding IBS.  However, his tips and suggestions regarding eating in general go back to my traditional ways of eating.  As a young child, my family sat down for meals together.  I was told to eat slowly, fully chewing each bite.  These common sense behaviors get lost in a fast paced lifestyle of eating on the run.  It was nice to reintroduce them to my lifestyle.

 

 

4.    Chopra, Deepak (M.D.). Perfect Weight: the complete mind/body program for achieving and maintaining your ideal weight. New York: Harmony Books, 1994.

 

  I agreed with Chopra's analysis about western exercise not being the healthiest way to approach exercise.  I have found personally that when I exert myself until IÕm exhausted, it takes several days to a week to build up again to working out.  It makes much more sense to do less strenuous workouts for extended amounts of time.  These modern workouts were probably developed to maximize time and fitness, the detriment being that those that truly need it can't complete it and if they do their bodies take longer to heal up for the next workout causing frustration and loss of motivation.

 

 

5.    Webb, Tamilee, M.A. and Lori Seeger, M.A. Workouts for DUMMIES. Foster City: IDG Books Worldwide, 1998.

 

I used this text as a reference guide for workouts.  This text made it easier for me when I had questions about physical exertion and the human bodyÕs muscle groups.  I found that I spent so much time wading through information on the internet that instead of trying out things, I ended up sitting in front of the computer for hours.  It was great for tips and quick information about heart rates/exertion, workouts ideal for body types, and physical fitness tests. 

 

 

6.    Schlosberg, Suzanne and Liz Neporent, M.A. Fitness for DUMMIES. 2nd ed. Foster City: IDG Books Worldwide, 2000.

 

Similar to the previous text, I used this text for quick tips and information.  The text provided valuable information about flexibility and muscle groups, in addition to providing various health tips regarding motivation, fatigue, etc.

 

 

II.            Finance & Future

 

As part of my Individual project work, I wanted to work on projects that would help towards my future after graduation.  To that end, I focused on job finding preparation and organizing my finances.  Not only did I want to have a better sense of my financial situation, but I also wanted to start preparing to find work.  I know I can find work anywhere, but my goal is to find work that will not only pay the bills but will also be challenging and fulfilling for me.  In addition, I spent time learning more about the capabilities of my laptop and digital camera.  Both of these technologies have made my distance learning and sharing easier.  Not only have I been able to study at home, but I've been able to go out into the community also.  I also have been able to keep in better contact with my family (in Hawaii, China, Washington, and Idaho) through email and forwarding them pictures of current happenings.

 

1.    Finances

I created an Excel worksheet for my finances.  Now I have a monthly tally of bills, and an ongoing tally of debt.  In addition, I have created a basic checking account record and budget.  I also went through four years worth of paperwork.  I organized all my financial and other important papers within a file folder, and shredded obsolete papers.

 

2.    Resume

I scratched my old resume and made a new one. I'm not totally satisfied with this one so I guess itÕs a work in progress.  What is it about making resumes that is so stressful and time consuming?  IÕd much rather a face to face pre-interview any day.

 

3.    Campus Point

            Campus Point (CP) is a job and internship organization available to college students and recent graduates in the Puget Sound and Portland Metro areas.  I first heard about it in Olympia, but I didn't sign up until I moved down to Hillsboro.  CP interviews and keeps resumes on file of its members, notifying us of job and internship openings.  PC staff actively pursues and encourages organizations to hire recent graduates.  I had to fill out an extensive resume online.  In addition, I had to interview with PC staff for preferred hiring.  I have applied for a position that I was notified about, and am currently under consideration for the position.

 

 

 

4.    Technology

I have a Dell XPS M140 laptop.  It's been fabulous to be mobile, able to take my work with me wherever I go.  I still haven't figured out everything that my laptop will do.  I'm constantly asking my partner questions about how to do things in addition to looking through the manual.  In addition, I have a digital camera that I've been learning how to use.  My laptop has a memory stick slot so it makes everything one step easier.  The best thing about digital pictures has been the convenience of sharing them with my family.  I had originally been using the Corel Pictures that was on my computer, but I have Nero.  Slowly, I am learning all the things that it can do.  I burned my first CD of pictures the other day.  I was amazed at how easy it was.  If I had gotten the program sooner, I probably would have created a movie of my pictures for this presentation.  Wouldn't that have been cool?

 

  

III.          Family & Home

 

This aspect of my Individual Project Work merges in some ways with my Cultural Studies.  Essentially, because of this program I was able to commit to family and friend activities that I wouldn't have otherwise been able to do.  I classify my work under three different categories: transition, travel, and ceremony. 

 

1.    Transition

Transition is a challenging and stressful time, especially when it requires you to move.  Moving means sorting through all the things you own and deciding what you want to take with you.  During this process all the memories and feelings attached with the items around you come flooding into your life.  In addition, you're dealing with all the vulnerabilities of not really having a home base, a place of refuge.  It means that you're leaving friends, possibly family behind. Transition means that you have to find a new home, find the money to afford it, and then figure out how to transport all your possessions to this new site.  This year, I have participated in the following three transitions:

 

(a)  Moving to Hillsboro

My partner, JP, had graduated last summer and he found a job in Hillsboro.  He moved down before me staying with friends while working. I would join him for part of the week, looking for apartments.  The other part of the week I would pack our stuff (room by room) and clean.  Finally, I found a place that we both could live with and afford, and we moved down to Hillsboro.  So began the process of settling into a new town and a new home, this is a process still underway.     

 

(b)  Helping our friends Nic and Heather move from Olympia to Hillsboro

JP helped Nic get a job with his current employers.  Nic lived with us for a month while his wife Heather packed things up at home.  After much searching, they finally found a place they wanted to move into.  During this process, I helped with their search.  Finally, I spent about 12 hours helping them move down and unpack into their new home.  Heather, born and raised in Olympia, has had more trouble adjusting to Hillsboro.  Remembering how hard it was for me when I first moved to Olympia a year and a half ago, helps me figure out ways I can continue to help.  

 

 

 

(c)  Helping my sister move into her newly purchased home

My sister, Jess, and her fiancé purchased a home together.  I helped her move everything from their old apartment to their new house.  This was a three day process of sorting, boxing, and cleaning.  Having come through the process of two moves, I knew when to help and when to step back.  I found that while the joys of moving into a place they now owned was great, so to was the extra stress of figuring out how to pay a huge mortgage.  

 

2.    Travel

One of the aspects of this program that I've enjoyed the most has been the freedom to travel.  Because of this, I have been able to go and do things that otherwise I probably wouldn't have been able to make the time to do (or as often).

 

(a)  Exploring Portland and surrounding area

The move to Hillsboro has opened up a new region for me.  I am now exploring the Portland metro area and Oregon coast.  I spent one awesome women's weekend at Carson Hot Springs.

 

(b)  Maui

I spent one week on Maui with my family, introducing JP to them for the first time.  In addition, my family and I helped my friends Nate and Lori with their wedding and reception.  A fabulous time was had by all.  Best of all was the quality time I spent with each of my loved ones, including meeting my new nephew Kekoa.

 

(c)  Outer Banks, NC

Now that JP and I are engaged, it is time to meet his grandmother June.  June is hosting a family reunion in the Outer Banks of North Carolina.  It will be a week of firsts for me.  It will be the first time I've been to Virginia and North Carolina.  It will also be the first time I will have seen, touched, or swam in the Atlantic Ocean.  Being a Pacific Ocean girl, I'm interested to see and experience the differences.

 

 

3.    Ceremony

As part of my cultural studies, I've read about the importance of ceremony within culture.  As humans, we mark significant transitions with ceremony: weddings, funerals, graduations, birthdays, etc.  These ceremonies help not only those going through it, but most especially the people around those who are transitioning accept the change. 

 

(a)  LoriÕs Wedding

Lori and Nate are longtime friends of JP and me.  I was privileged to witness the proposal two years ago and so it seems right that I was there to help them with their ceremony.  They decided to have their wedding on Maui, so my family and I were their contacts on where to stay, where to have the ceremony, how to get tickets to things, and what to do for their reception.  After extensive emailing and conversations with Lori's mom, Nate's mom, and Lori I was excited to finally be on Maui for it all to happen.  April 29th was a beautiful day for a wedding.

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(b)  Jess' wedding preparation

Part of the trip to Carson Hot Springs was to spend some time figuring out wedding details.  As the maid of honor and sister of the soon to be bride (the wedding is flying toward us on September 5th), I'm finding out that familial expectations influence wedding decisions much more than I'd previously thought. 

 

(c)  My engagement

As things seem to be happening in 3's, I got engaged on April 16th.  It has amazed me how much it has changed how people view my partnership with JP.  Despite 3 years of commitment, many people only now are accepting our relationship as legitimate. This seems strange to me, like I'm now included in some club that I was previously unaware of.  With the engagement has come a barrage of questions of where, when, how many people, where are you registering, where are you honeymooning, etc.  All these details and previously unknown expectations and responsibilities are suddenly appearing.  Now I understand Lori wanting to run away to an island to get married.  Now I understand Jess calling up wanting to have a conversation in which wedding is not mentioned once. Meanwhile, I'm caught up in the details of sending out engagement notices (crazy) and deciding the where and when of it all.  However, eloping is sounding better and better each day.

 

(d)  My graduation

I can't believe it has finally arrived, I graduate on June 16th.  It has been a seven year process to get this undergraduate degree of mine.  I couldn't have done it without these two fabulous programs.  What an amazing experience this has been.  I can't imagine what my life would be like now not having had these two years to get balanced and focused.

 

 

12 credits – Women's Studies

 

I decided to incorporate Women's Studies in my curriculum this year because I wanted to look at women's roles: in work, in relationships, in life.  I wanted to find out cultural norms, and how those norms are being challenged.  I wanted to take a deeper look at how I was living and thinking, how I was intentionally or unintentionally living or rebelling against those norms. 

 

I've found through my studies that in many ways my partner JP has a more liberated view of femininity then I do.  I believe this is because he was raised by his mother and grandmother.  These two positive, powerful role models in his life showed him that men and women are equal yet unique.  In contrast, I was raised in a highly patriarchal, male dominated atmosphere.  I thought that I had rejected many of the restrictions I had been raised under, but I've found that while I don't live in that manner in some ways I was expecting traditional male behavior out of JP.  So fascinatingly enough, my studies into the feminine have resulted in me realizing that I need to be aware of how I might unintentionally try to box JP and other males into stereotypical male behavior.  This awareness has been freeing, some of our arguments being rooted in assuming that we knew what the other intended.

 

In addition, my studies have freed me to accept roles that I want to.  For instance, I love to cook and JP is usually indifferent.  Initially, I rebelled at cooking, feeling that I was succumbing to a traditional role.  However, after extensive discussion with JP, I've found that I feel free to enjoy cooking because he doesn't expect me to cook for him.  In fact, on days that I don't want to cook we order out or cook together.

 

My studies (along with my advancing years) have also opened up dialogue between my mother, my aunties, my sister, and my adopted mom.  I've been able to find out more about their lives, their aspirations, their desires.  I've been able to meet them as women instead of caregivers and nurturers.  I've learned part of their stories and found out how it enriches my own.

 

The following is a list of sources that I documented.  In addition to these sources, I've had numerous conversations with women and spent hours surfing the web and reading what my co-learners have discovered about gender and women's issues.

 

 

1.    The Alien Saga. Dir. Brent Zacky. Cast John Hurt, Sigourney Weaver, Joss Whedon, Tom Skerritt, Carrie Henn, Michael Biehn. DVD. 2002.

 

The question I often encounter when I mention I'm reading or watching science fiction for my class is this: what does science fiction have to do with cultural studies, women's studies, and/or academia?  My response is that science fiction authors are all anthropologists, psychologists, and sociologists, they look at the world, at the human condition and write stories in fantastical locales dealing with everyday life, everyday hurts, everyday prejudices. 

Science fiction writers use their fantastic location as a pressure cooker to reveal the everyday mythos and motivations of the human species, both good and bad.  I watched this documentary because it was about Ridley Scott's Alien films.  Considered a cult classic, the first Alien movie came out in 1979.  The main part, played by Sigourney Weaver, was originally written as a male role, but later changed.  This change was revolutionary, Sigourney playing a tough yet tender superhero woman who fought to save the human race from an alien species.  It was revolutionary because female roles were more subdued, feminine supportive roles.  Science fiction allowed women to break into film as powerful heroes instead of supportive heroines.

Incorporated within its text and picture, and that of the following movies, the Alien stories incorporate essential myths and values of our culture.  They enabled the writers to challenge people with unrealistic scenarios, not to encourage us to believe in aliens, rather to encourage us to look at how we view each other.  While the movies did include traditional perspectives of the feminine as mother, the fact that they added aspects of feminine strength in traditionally male roles challenged the status quo.  

 

 

2.    Born into Brothels. Dir. Ross Kauffman and Zana Briski. DVD. THINK Film, 2004.

 

Watching documentaries like this one make me aware of how privileged I am.  When I feel frustrated about how United States cultural norms try to box me into prescribed feminine behavior, I only have to think about such realities as presented in this documentary. 

This documentary received an Oscar for it's portrayal of several children who grew up in Calcutta's red-light district.  Born as children of prostitutes, they were faced with a life of little expectations except eventually making a living as their mothers had.  A photographer, Zana Briski, who was documenting life in the brothels began encountering these children and slowly started teaching them photography.  Through this work, the children's eyes were opened to new possibilities.  For the first time, they could see outside of their expected fate, they could find personal worth and aspirations.  However, they were faced with large barriers.  Raised within a society that looked down on them and surrounded with family who were fearful of the unknown, each child made decisions and was limited by their circumstances in different ways.  Some made seemingly triumphant choices, going to school and moving out of the district.  However, the painful reality is that by making such choices they had to leave their families behind. 

The documentary was powerful because it showed the complexities of their lives.  That while they were seemingly trapped in horrible circumstances they were also often came from close-knit families who provided support, love, and care.  The hard question is which of the families were more loving, those who kept their children with them or those that sent their children away.   

 

 

3.    Butler, Octavia. Bloodchild and Other Stories. New York: Seven Stories, 1996.

4.    Butler, Octavia. ClayÕs Ark. London: Cox & Wyman Ltd, Reading, 1991.

5.    Butler, Octavia. Fledgling. New York: Seven Stories, 2005.

6.    Butler, Octavia. Mind of My Mind. New York: Warner Books, 1994.

7.    Butler, Octavia. Parable of the Sower. New York: Warner Books, 1995.

8.    Butler, Octavia. Parable of the Talents. New York: Warner Books, 2001.

9.    Butler, Octavia. Survivor. New York: Doubleday & Company, 1979.

 

I first encountered Butler's writing two and a half years ago when I returned to school.  I was taking a course called Literature, Science, and Gender at Whatcom Community College in Bellingham, Washington.  Butler's words entered my consciousness, speaking to me of subjects pivotal in my interests.  The short story that I read was titled "Bloodchild."  It wasn't until I moved down to Olympia and began my work in Patience that I rediscovered her.  As part of my myth studies, I was reading science fiction and I came across one of her books, and started looking for as much of her writing as I could find. 

However, it wasn't until I moved down to Hillsboro and started shopping at Powell's Book Store that I was able to obtain a number of her books.  Butler challenged the way we view the world, using the science fiction genre as social commentary.  She synthesized facts of life, realities experienced by the disenfranchised, the ostracized, those that have to determine how much they must sacrifice of self in order to survive.  She created characters that seemed unreal in their alien forms, but were so familiar in social norms.  She explored self-identity, and how one establishes oneself within a community.  Within that complexity she also explored how community is defined, formed, and maintained. Her work is so powerful because of the exploration of these fundamental themes (biological imperative, race, sexuality, power, empathy, and community), particularly because these themes are so integral to the human condition.

On the back cover of her books, Butler described herself as "comfortably asocial--a hermit in the middle of Seattle--a pessimist if I'm not careful, a feminist, a Black, a former Baptist, an oil-and-water combination of ambition, laziness, insecurity, certainty, and drive."

Octavia Butler was the first African American woman to break into the white male dominated genre of science fiction.  She received several Hugo and Nebula award nominations and awards.  In addition, she was the first science fiction writer ever to receive the MacArthur Foundation "Genius" Grant (1995). 

Butler passed away on February 24, 2006.  I had just completed her Fledgling novel and was excited at the thought of what she would do for a sequel.  Her words spoke to me in a special way.  While I will celebrate the gifts she left behind, I will mourn the passing of such a powerful voice in literature.

 

 

10. China's Lost Girls. Reporter Lisa Ling. DVD. National Geographic's Ultimate Explorer, 2005.

 

This documentary was especially poignant to me because of my cousin Grace, almost a casualty of China's one-child policy.  My aunt and uncle live in Kunming, the largest city and capitol of the Yunnan province of China.  They traveled there to be a part of a project called Project Grace.  While philosophically Christian, their work isn't evangelizing its helping establish Emergency Care Clinics in rural villages.  The Chinese government has now expanded their work to include AIDS patience care and education. 

As part of her work, my aunt volunteers in orphanages once or twice a week.  Ten years ago while volunteering at an orphanage my aunt met Grace; she had been abandoned in a corner.  When asked, child care workers said that there was nothing they could do for her, that the amount of time it would take to care for her would take away from their care of the many other children.  My aunt took Grace home and nursed her back to health.  Over the next 3 years, she battled to adopt Grace.  Finally, it was legalized.

Reporter Lisa Ling along with her camera crew from National Geographic travel along with American parents as they go to pick up the baby girls they are adopting.  Ling documents the social problems that are arising and will arise from this one-child policy.  The documentary traces not only the emotional rollercoaster that the American parents go through, but also the social pitfalls for Chinese society which is becoming gender imbalanced at an alarming rate.  By following the policy and traditional mores, Chinese society is claiming their male children and abandoning or aborting their females.  The result of this is very obvious in rural villages, there being few females.  Sociologists worry of what will happen to their culture as these generations of boys grow up and have no partners to marry.  In addition, it is worrisome to think of a generation of little princes (all the love and material wealth of parents and grandparents being showered on solitary boys) meeting up with their feminine counterparts (abandoned to orphanages and raised in deprived anonymity). 

A social disaster in the making, the Chinese government is attempting to change traditional thinking, encouraging people to keep their girls by showing how females are a valuable part of society.  Too little to late I believe, this propaganda is battling centuries and generations of tradition.  After all, it is the males that traditionally take care of their parents and carry on the family name.  How will the ancestors be revered if only a daughter is raised? 

This dilemma already affects the United States, as couples adopt Chinese babies instead of American youngsters (who are more expensive and harder to get).  How much more will it affect the United States and the world is China is in social turmoil?  Questions will be asked and pondered, but how will they be resolved?

             

 

11. Daughter from Danang: American Experience. Dir. Gail Dolgin and Vicente Franco. Cast Heidi Bub and Mai Thi Kim. DVD. PBS Documentary, 2002.

 

This documentary traces the journey of an adopted American woman, Heidi, as she reunites with her birth mother and family in Danang.  As the U.S. Army was pulling out of Vietnam, thousands of half-Vietnamese children including Heidi were separated from their families and flown to the United States in 1975.  This effort, partially to protect the children and their families from Viet Cong retaliation was also an attempt by US administration to garner good press.  Upon their arrival in the states, these children were adopted by people who traveled from all parts of the U.S. However, the haphazard method in which this was accomplished resulted in poorly kept records and distraught families who were misinformed about where their children were going and how they wouldn't be coming back.  These two deficiencies have unfortunately resulted in hundreds of birth families being unable to trace their birth children and vice versa.   

I found this documentary fascinating because it portrayed how emotionally difficult is was for a Western raised woman to be exposed to her birth family and culture in Vietnam.  The Directors and cameramen were able to capture the nuances of dilemma and cultural misunderstanding that resulted on Heidi's part and that of her mother and family.  While Heidi was just looking to find out more about herself through learning about her birth mother, her Vietnamese family was excited that they would have a wealthier relative that could help with their financial burdens. 

U.S. individualism crashed headlong into collectivism and both sides were hurt.  I could see and sympathize with Heidi and her need for independence and her feelings that she was just being used for her money.  However, I could also empathize with her Vietnamese mother and family who couldn't understand how she would be so selfish as to not share what she had to help her family and how she could just leave them without any assurances of future interaction.

My aunt encountered a similar situation when she traveled with my grandfather to our ancestral Sun Chin village.  At the village, she found many new relatives, many of whom assumed that as a "rich" American living in China that she would help fund various village projects and educational pursuits.  Compared to U.S. incomes, my aunt and uncle are under the poverty line but in China they are able to live a comfortable middle class to high class lifestyle.  Thus according to traditional custom, they should be giving their surplus to their relatives.  Because they understand, they have helped out where they can but they still draw the line at a different level then culturally expected.  This puts them in a dilemma that they endure. 

In Heidi's case, she finally cut off contact with her Vietnamese family because of their repeated requests for financial support or for her to bring their mother to live with her.  She feels anger and regret, wishing in some ways that she had never contacted her birth mother then at least she would have the dream.  What do you do when both sides are hurt and both have legitimate reasons for feeling so? One could sit in judgment of her lack of cultural understanding, but in the end it is a woman wanting to make a connection and feeling like she's being told that that she isn't good enough that they need something more of her.

 

 

12. "The Education of Shelby Knox." Dir. Marion Lipschutz and Rose Rosenblatt. P.O.V. KBTC, Olympia. Fall Quarter, 2005.

 

This documentary traces the journey of teenager Shelby Knox in Lubbock, Texas.  Knox started out as a Conservative Baptist pledging to remain abstinent until marriage.  The documentary traces her journey into becoming a liberal Baptist that advocates comprehensive sex education.  The issue that the directors want to come out, through the lens of a young woman's journey, is that government funding is being taken out of comprehensive sex education and going to support abstinence education.  In other words, sex education consists of telling kids not to have sex. 

I was a bit surprised by the whole issue, I thought that this battle had already been fought and won.  In actuality, more schools across the nation then just in the conservative south are removing sex ed from the curriculum.  Standard information regarding STD's, AIDS, and preventative methods of birth control are not being communicated to the youth.  In Knox's case, she finds that abstinence only education hadn't helped Lubbock high schools which had the highest rates of teen pregnancy and STDÕs of her state. 

 The directors tried to remain unbiased, showing the value of both sides.  However, abstinence education is right and proper if you choose it through your church or if it's not the only information that is communicated.  Failing to impart basic sexual safety information in hopes that if kids don't know they won't try it is tragically doomed to fail.  I find it criminal and misguided to not educate youth on basic truths about their sexuality. 

I was very impressed with Knox's impassioned advocacy.  I'm not a crusader.  I will quietly stand up for what I believe in, but I wouldn't have been able to be as publicly expansive as Knox was, especially in face of the hardships and criticism she and her family received.  However, I wholeheartedly cheer her on for her strength of character.  It takes vocal people like her, supported by quiet people like me to make a difference, the difference that I hope to encourage through supporting organizations like Planned Parenthood and conscientiously voting for public servants who serve the public and the public's wellbeing. 

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13. Foster, Patricia, ed. Minding the Body: Women Writers on Body and Soul. New York: Anchor Books, 1994.

 

This book is an anthology of essays by various women authors.  The themes of the essays range from body image issues to dealing with disease.  It is a tapestry of stories, woven by many voices, joined by a common humanity, a common femininity.    Issues of power, sexuality, self identity, body image, self esteem, motherhood, rebelling against or wishing fulfillment of societal expectations, pain, and joy are all brought into focus.  Questions are posed.  Situations are railed at.  Reality is swallowed.  I enjoy exploring such anthologies, the individual stories rising to the surface as I read them then return to the depths to percolate, then cause me to ponder, and finally to change.

 

 

14. Kidd, Sue Monk. The Dance of the Dissident Daughter: A WomenÕs Journey from Christian Tradition to the Sacred Feminine. New York: HarperCollins, 1996.

 

Sue Monk Kidd speaks of an awakening, of coming to the realization that she has lived out the norms expected of her as the dutiful daughter, the faithful wife, the loyal Christian.  Kidd speaks of the expectations of gender within the patriarchal church, and the suppression of self that results from trying to fit within societal expectations.  Kidd speaks of how women unknowingly fulfill and maintain these constructed, restricted identities out of fear, out of a desire for love, out of sheer habit.

Kidd speaks her journey, a woman's journey traveling out of the Christian tradition into a new understanding of the sacred feminine.  She speaks of the need to be accepted as a female, to be able to worship and celebrate not only Father God, but also Mother God.  Kidd speaks of the wound within each woman born into our culture, raised within the patriarchal tradition that negates the feminine while revolving around the masculine.  Kidd speaks of oppression and the need to break free of not only cultural and societal bonds but also the pervasive self-restraint that each girl learns. 

Sue Monk Kidd speaks and I listen as she tells of my journey in words that I was unable to express. 

 

 

15. "The Last Abortion Clinic." Dir. Rainey Aronson. Frontline. PBS. KBTC, Olympia. Fall Quarter, 2005.

 

The legal right to have an abortion is being impinged upon by court decisions which limit and restrict abortion procedures and the dissemination of abortion information.  Along with the abstinence education mentioned previously in the Shelby Knox documentary, clinics are gaining governmental financial support when they only provide pro-life family planning options.  This restriction is largely a result of Pro-Life activism, which has found political constituents to support their cause.    

The director Rainey Aronson sought to tell the story by providing the legislative history involved in the issue.   Essentially, through various court decisions, state law has changed to impinge upon the initial Roe vs. Wade decision.  As such, it is possible for states to essentially make it impossible for abortion clinics to survive within their borders by legislating them out of business.  The issue is such a hot topic because it remains a pivotal moral issue for many conservatives.  In contrast, many who support Roe vs. Wade arenÕt motivated to protest as abortion is still legal. 

I agree with Pro-Life activists, life is sacred.  However, while I don't believe that I would ever choose an abortion for myself, what right do I have to determine the life and health of another woman?  What right is it of mine to make it impossible for a woman to control her own physical health?  What right do I have to say that a woman's body can't be her own for 9 whole months? 

I believe that Pro-Life activists are making moral judgments on women, essentially saying don't have sex unless you're willing to be pregnant.  So in reality, they are attempting to control more than just who gets born, they are trying to control the reproductive nature of a woman.  If a woman's tubes are tied without her knowledge (which used to happen), it's against the law.  If it's against the law to stop a woman from choosing to have children, how can people protest a woman deciding not to have children?

This is my question:  If life is so sacred, then why are many Pro-Life activists willing to throw away the lives of young servicemen and women in war?  If life is so sacred, why aren't they willing to support education, to support young mothers, to support the children they ensured were born?  If Pro-Life activists are so willing to step forward to speak as those unborn babies voices, then maybe they should be willing to raise those children themselves.  Maybe those activists should be financially and morally responsible to care for, educate, and raise those children until they are adults.  Maybe if that was enforced, then they wouldn't be so quick to pass judgment on the women who choose differently.

 

 

12 credits – Cultural Studies

 

Cultural Studies are the emphasis of my degree here in Evergreen.  I love to learn more about not only other cultures but also my own culture.  The more stories I know, the broader my perspective is of the world, and the more empathetic I can be.  Everyday I learn more about some other culture, some other person and I have to pause and evaluate how I live my life. 

 

I've come to realize that there is no such thing as common sense, there is merely a sense that is common to me.  It is up to me to find out what sense is common to those around me.  The complexities and flavors of life as we live it is endlessly fascinating.  I won't ever tire of learning more.

 

Last year's program Patience and this program have enabled me to do cultural research into my own ancestral history.  Primarily, through this research I have found out more about my Hawaiian, Chinese, and German ancestors.

 

The following texts and documentaries include some of my research in Cultural Studies.  However, I didn't document my sources for much of the research I did during the fall quarter.  Primarily, I researched events and issues concerning the Avian Flu and Hurricane Katrina.  In addition, I also did some cultural research on China as my mom and I had initially planned to travel there during the winter quarter.  I didn't document these sources mainly because they primarily involved numerous internet sites and televised news casts. 

 

 

1.    Crash. Dir. Paul Haggis. Cast Sandra Bullock, Matt Dillon, Don Cheadle, Jennifer Esposito, Terrance Howard, Ludacris, Ryan Phillippe, Larenz Tate, Shaun Toub, Karina Arroyave, Dato Bakhtadze, William Fichtner, Brendon Fraser, Thandie Newton, and Michael Pena. Lions Gate Films (DVD), 2005.

 

I found this movie to be powerfully moving, as it exposed all the harsh realities and complexities of human nature.  We are social creatures with needs, desires, and prejudices.  The circumstances of our life reveal our hidden nature, our deep seated fears, our dark prejudices.  It is what we do with that self-knowledge that determines the course our lives take, whether we will seek to harm or seek to heal.  

 

 

2.    Fiffer, Sharon Sloan and Steve Fiffer, ed. Family: American Writers Remember Their Own. New York: Pantheon Books, 1996.

 

I included this text because I looked at family and how itÕs viewed culturally.  This anthology included multiple authors of diverse backgrounds, all reminiscing about what family meant to them.  Initially, I picked up the book because Bell Hooks and Edwidge Danticat were mentioned.  However, I appreciated other stories found within its covers. 

 

 

3.    Golden, Arthur. Memoirs of a Geisha. New York: Vintage Books, 1997.

 

While its fiction, Golden did extensive research into the traditions of Japan and geisha. I was impressed with the world he created. Golden's words are vivid, taking you into another world, a landscape of another life. I could believe that I was really reading a geishaÕs diary. 

GoldenÕs text is more than a fairy tale; it presents thematic issues of destiny, women's rights, reproduction, maintaining cultural traditions, and types of power.

I was surprised at how familiar I was with many of the Japanese traditions regarding geisha and feminine behavior that Golden mentioned.  I think it must be partly from Japanese influence on Hawaii, my passion for foreign films, and the cultural training required when I worked at a summer camp that hundreds of Japanese kids went to.

In addition to the book, I also watched the movie adaptation of Golden's story.  While I felt his book was more nuanced, the set and costume designers did an amazing job of bringing the story to life.  Also, while Ziyi Zhang is a beautiful and gifted actress, I was disappointed that they didnÕt find a woman of Japanese ancestry to fill the part.

 

 

4.    Hilbert, Vi, trans and ed. Haboo: Native American Stories from Puget Sound.  Seattle: University of Washington Press, 1985.

 

I have just started this collection of stories.  I am excited by what I'm finding as it reminds me of something I canÕt quite put my finger on.  Maybe after I read further I'll figure out what it is that IÕm remembering or connecting it to.  Regardless, I wish that I could hear it in the traditional manner, first in the traditional tongue and then translated so that I too can enjoy its encapsulated wisdom.

 

 

5.     Koppel, Tom. Kanaka: The Untold Story of Hawaiian Pioneers in British Columbia and the Pacific Northwest. Vancouver, B.C.: Whitecap Books, 1995.

 

I was so excited to find this book at the library.  I hadn't heard of Native Hawaiians settling in this area except for current shifting populations as more Hawaiians move out of Hawaii because of the cost of living.  It was fascinating to read of the intrepid adventurers who set out to explore other lands.  I'm sure that they found the freedom from the Kapu system exhilarating. 

In addition, I was excited to learn that most Hawaiians that stayed in the area married Native American woman from tribal groups surrounding where they were stationed.  Crazily enough, I felt almost validated in my own journey that other Native Hawaiians had gone before me.  In a sense, I have had a similar journey starting out living in Bellingham then moving to the Puget Sound (Olympia) then finally settling near the Columbia River. 

This text makes me want to research more about Kanakas in this area.  When I went to Carson Hot Springs for my women's weekend at the beginning of April, I happened upon this shop which mentioned their flowers came from Kanaka Creek Farm.  I excitedly asked for more details on the history of the farm, but the shop assistant wasn't able to give me further information.  I did a basic internet search, and so far haven't found any more information.  However, I'm sure that it's all tied together.

 

 

6.    Lost in Translation. Dir. Sofia Coppola. Cast Bill Murray, Scarlett Johansson, Anna Faris, Giovanni Ribisi, Fumihiro Hayashi, and Catherine Lambert. DVD. Focus Features, 2003.

 

A subtle yet evocative film that captured my attention, I decided to include this film as a source because it caused me to ponder the social and cultural situations that resulted from the two main characters intersecting in Tokyo.  This film included the realities of culture shock, the simultaneous disconnect and unexpected freedom from norms.  While sympathetic to their condition, the film also mocked U.S. travelers who think that everything in the world revolves around them and their culture.

The film also explored relationships and how as people change they can grow apart.  Within this exploration it explored the theme of the middle aged man finding freedom with the beautiful young woman.  However, this theme was subtly nuanced instead of glaringly obvious.

 

 

7.    The Meaning of Food. Dir. Maria Gargiulo, Vivian Kleiman, and Karin Williams. Cast Julie Dash, Nikky Finney, and Vertamae Grosvenor. DVD. PBS, 2004

 

Largely as a result of my studies in Health and Wellbeing, I read about this video.  Through a series of perspectives, the directors meet people from around the United States each who had diverse and varied history and cultural background.  These backgrounds led to different philosophies about food, food and culture, and food and family.  As I have a passion for various ethnic foods, and love to try new dishes I found this documentary fascinating.  It was fun to learn more about the cultural practices and beliefs concerning food.  I especially enjoyed the segment involving Hawaii.

 

 

8.    Rize. Dir. David LaChapelle. Cast Tommy the Clown, Lil C, Miss Prissy, Dragon, Larry, La Nina, Lil Mama, and Tight Eyez. DVD. Lions Gate Entertainment, 2005.

 

I saw this documentary advertised on Netflix and I had to watch it.  I am fascinated by dance of all kinds. I'm especially intrigued with dance when it intersects with culture.  In the case of krumping, it started out in South Central LA as a way to express personal feelings and focus on something other then getting in trouble.  Krumping filled a need within the youth culture.  Krumping then became more then an activity, it became an expression of self. It became an evocative and primal expression which drew upon essential human movement and myth.

This documentary touches close to home.  Many artists (hula dancers and musicians in Hawaii) must earn a living so they participate in tourist luaus.  During the day, their passion is diluted and commercialized for the consumption of curious tourists.  It's hard for many of them as they feel like a commodity.  However, this selling of their art enables them to pursue their passion of dance, music, and myth during their time off.  It is during their time off that the real dance and song emerges.  It is in these late evening and early morning practices that the song and dance of Hawaii, Tahiti, Samoa, and Tonga flourish.  Just like these inner city kids that krump their stories, Hawaii dancers, drummers, and singers develop their myth.

 

9.    Unconstitutional: The War on Our Civil Liberties. Dir. Nonny de la Pena. DVD. 2004.

 

This film analyzes the Patriot Act, which was passed by Congress in the turmoil following the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks.  This legislature, originally designed to help law enforcement prevent future terrorist attacks, provides dangerous amounts of authority.  This documentary examines the inherent dangers within the Act and how it threatens the civil liberties and individual freedoms protected by the Constitution.  I found it informative and disturbing, learning more details about rights violations then I previously was aware of.

However, I was happy to find that as many as 340 communities in 41 states have passed resolutions opposing the Patriot Act (as a whole or in part).  Hopefully, this won't be a slippery slope we slide down.

 

 

10. America Beyond the Color Line. Dir. Mary Crisp and Daniel Percival.  Cast Maya Angelou, Don Cheadle, Jesse Jackson, Quincy Jones, Morgan Freeman, Samuel L. Jackson, Colin Powell, Reggie Rock Bythewood, and Alicia Keys. DVD. PBS Documentary, 2004.

 

A solid documentary asking questions that needs to be asked about society today. This documentary explores the status of Black Americans in the 21st century.  Author Henry Luis Gates, Jr. starts by looking at the historical roots of the civil rights movement and the life and dreams of Martin Luther King, Jr.  Gates travels to the East Coast, the Deep South, inner-city Chicago and Hollywood to find out what issues today's African Americans are faced with.  Gates talks with prominent political and military leaders in addition to actors and regular middle and lower class people about their experiences, their hopes, and their beliefs about the future.

I was surprised at how much time was spent focusing on the military as a representative of a fully integrated and color blind organization.  However, given that training is designed to encourage uniformity of action, I guess it would make sense that there would be zero tolerance of anything that would detract from unity and uniformity. 

 

 

 

8 credits – Writing

           

Writing begins my praxis.  I have always found my way back to dialogue, back to communion, through writing and journaling.  Thus, I have integrated my learning this year through the written word, through the critical thought necessary to write.

 

I find my community through writing.  I send digital replicas of my words to loved ones to be deciphered by their email programs.  I communicate with co-learners through WebX and Weblist.  I craft syllabi and midterm reports. In addition to crafting my own text, I help others with their own, editing a brochure, several papers, and a couple resumes. 

 

As always, I continue to journal, spilling myself onto the page in a series of poems, rants, vents, and stories. 

 

Finally, I feed my passion for the written word by seeking out memoirs and autobiographical stories that speak of writing.  The following are two examples that I found.

 

 

1.    Hooks, Bell. Wounds of Passion: A Writing Life. New York: Henry Holt, 1999.

 

Bell Hooks clarifies thoughts I've had, I'm having, or have only begun to formulate.

She speaks of identity, and racial equality.  She speaks to challenge racial prejudice, gender roles, and societal norms.  She speaks to open others eyes to the ugly realities, to help them begin to understand that the world is bigger and smaller then they realize. She speaks words of freedom.  She speaks of developing a self identity.  She speaks of praxis and community.  She lives out the words that she speaks, encouraging youth to acknowledge inequality, then to fight it.  The story of her life, her work inspires and challenges.

 

 

2.    Dillard, Annie. The Writing Life. New York: Harper & Row, 1989.

 

I am midway through Dillard's book, and so far it is similar to her other writing: carefully crafted, artful, and filled with nature.  Whenever I read her work it's like trying to drink a milkshake through a straw, a slow strenuous effort, each little bit needing to be savored before sucking down some more.