The Language of Politics

Occasionally my conservative aunt sends out politically charged email-in-a-can to everyone on her address list which includes me. The emails range from rich text encouraging the "silent majority" (i.e. obnoxious right-wingers) to "stand up and tell those whiny minorities to shut up" about the ten commandments in public places, to slideshows of American landscapes and monuments and soaring eagles set to a country music song that implicitly ridicules other country musicians who have "unpatriotic" opinions. I thought I'd break the blogging ice by sharing my aunt's most recent pleasant prepackaged sentiment followed by my immediate reply. In my reply I tried to limit myself to one specific argument rather than launching into everything from the demeaning aspect of the idea of "common sense" to the fallacy that every bird without a worm must be lazy. I must say my reply is a bit caustic, and I would write it a tad differently today. I geuss I was too busy being reactionary in my criticism of reactionarianism. Here is her message:

Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the
worm? Life isn’t always fair; and Maybe it was my fault? Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 -year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
HAVE A NICE DAY
IN GOD WE TRUST

Kaleb's response to Chain Mail Aunt: