Silk Roads: China, The Middle East, and The New World

I went to Tonasket, Washington to live in the country for a few days. I was born and raised country in Wisconsin, but I have not lived in that type of setting since I was a small child. There is a lot about country living I appreciate, but there is something about it that scares me, so I went to find out what it was.

I loved everything about my country experience. I loved the cooking, the stay in a little cabin with no hot water, the 70 year old's birthday party, kareokee, horseback riding, shooting a gun, and even eating the rattle snake that was shot in front of me.

Nothing could have prepared me for the home bible study on Sunday night. I was happy to go, as I was raised in a Christian home, but as an adult, I would call myself a spiritual person.

The moment I met Don, the home owner and the leader of the bible study, I got a sick feeling inside myself. He brought back all the things I was searching for and it had nothing to do with the country living. It had to do with the pain and the fear of my childhood that I have carried inside myself for years. I tried hard to seperate my feelings from this stranger, but the ghost in me could not stay hidden. Every time I would look at him, I saw my father and felt that I was being judged and I wasn't good enough to be there.

I had to excuse myself from the bible study and leave. I didn't want to face this stranger any more. To face my past. To face my fears.

As I walked down the long dusty driveway to the road, tears streaming down my face, I had a long talk with God, my father (may he rest in peace), and myself. I realized, that in these few days in Tonakset, Washington, that I came here looking for my past. I found it...then...I let it go.