Deceased high school student lives on in the bodies of strangers who will attend his school's homecoming game
This is an article from my hometown newspaper (Walla Walla--a relatively small city in Eastern Washington). I don't mean to belittle any person's grieving and/or healing processes, but the situation feels pretty surreal. Thinking about internal organs, body ownership, and our attachment to bodies as subjects. http://union-bulletin.com/articles/2007/10/18/local_news/local01.txt Home once more
DeSales alumnus Tyler Baffney lives on in the bodies of strangers, who will gather with his family on Friday. By Jim Buchan of the Union-Bulletin There will be a very special alumnus in attendance at the DeSales High School homecoming football game Friday night at Ty Baffney Field. He will accompany Jack Miller, helping the Salem man breathe in Walla Walla's crisp October air.
He will be there beating rhythmically in the chest of Kayode, a Nigerian man from Seattle. And you can be sure the pace of those beats will quicken the first time the Irish quarterback drops back to pass.
And he will be up there in the bleachers, close to Heather Stone of Tacoma, William Gookins of Puyallup and 15-year-old Michelle Davis of Port Orchard, helping to keep them healthy and strong.
He, of course, is Tyler Baffney, a 1999 DeSales High graduate and the person for whom the Irish football field has been named.
It's been more than two years now since Baffney, then a strong and healthy 25-year-old, was struck down by a brain aneurysm.
Tyler's death in the summer of 2005 devastated his family and rattled the DeSales community to its very foundation. But even in the darkest of hours, it seems, there is a beacon of light. Tyler was a registered organ donor. And in the hours that followed his death, six complete strangers were given a new lease on life.
``They say that when you die, you are laid to rest,'' Val Baffney, Tyler's mother, said. ``But Tyler's not resting. Tyler's busy.''
Miller, a 60-something grandfather, was the recipient of Tyler's right lung. Kayode, who came to the United States from Nigeria in the 1970s and has earned two master's degrees at the University of Washington, received his heart.
Gookins, a man in his late 30s and the carrier of a genetic disorder called Wilson's disease, is healthy now thanks to Ty's liver. Davis celebrates her 15th birthday today, her third since receiving Ty's right kidney. And Stone, a single mother of an 8-year-old boy - whose name is Tyler - and a Type 1 diabetes patient since her own childhood, received the other kidney as well as Ty's pancreas.
A sixth recipient who wished to remain anonymous received Ty's other lung.
Like the recipients, families of a donor also have the right to remain anonymous. And in that first year after Tyler's death, the Baffney family chose that path.
But Miller was of another mindset.
He had attended a support-group meeting before receiving his lung. And he had listened to the mother of a 16-year-old boy who had died, leaving behind more than 50 donor gifts.
``She talked about how not a single person had called to thank her or let her know how they were doing,'' Miller recalled. ``And that bothered me. I felt a real obligation to the donor.
``I believe you need to be a good person and live a good life and not dishonor that precious gift,'' said Miller, who was told he had less than three weeks to live before receiving Tyler Baffney's lung. ``And I felt an urge to let them know that I was appreciative and that I cared about making the donation worthwhile.''
Miller contacted the Living Legacy Foundation in Bellevue, an organization that orchestrates transplants, and indicated that he was open to making contact with his donor's family. The foundation then passed his name, address and phone number on to the Baffneys.
It took a while, Val said, but she eventually wrote to Miller.
``My first goal was Mother's Day (2006), but that was just too difficult a day for me,'' Val said. ``My second was Father's Day, because I knew that would be significant to him. My third target date was Ty's birthday, July 11, and that's when I got a letter off to him.''
In the letter, Val wrote of many things about her son. His personality, his love of sports and many other favorite things.
``I just wanted to explain a little about Ty and the kind of kid he was,'' she said.
Among the many tidbits of information she shared was Ty's favorite musicians, most notably Bruce Springsteen. And that struck a chord with Miller.
``I had never been a fan of his,'' Miller said of the rock singer. ``Some of his songs I thought were OK, but I wouldn't go out and buy them.
``But maybe seven months after my surgery, I saw a video of his on TV. It was a song called ``Oh, Mary, Don't You Weep,'' and I liked it so well that I went out and bought the CD.''
That was one of several connections between Jack and Val.
Jack recalled that shortly after receiving his lung, he experienced a sudden wave of emotion.
``My eyes slammed shut and I started sobbing,'' Jack said. ``I told my wife Bonnie that I could feel the mother's pain. I can't explain it, but that's what it was.''
And Val recalled a morning when she was grieving so deeply that she had to force herself to get out of bed.
``I had an overwhelming sadness, wanting so badly for some message or something from Ty,'' she recalled.
``I finally forced myself to get going. I was in the bathroom, and when I came out I heard a message on the answering machine. It was from Jack, saying he had this overwhelming need to contact us and let us know how he was doing.
``It was the message I was hoping for.''
Miller's outreach encouraged the Baffneys to make contact with the other donor recipients. And one by one, all but one responded.
``I didn't feel that strongly at first,'' Dan Baffney said of the decision to make contact with the recipients. ``The whole thing was Jack reaching out to us.''
It wasn't until a couple of months ago that the Baffneys struck upon the idea of inviting all of the recipients to Walla Walla for DeSales' homecoming football game.
Not only would it be a unique homecoming for Ty but a special moment as well for Kevin, Ty's younger brother, who just happens to be the senior quarterback for this year's undefeated team.
``Having all the recipients here for Kevin's homecoming game on Tyler's field - we said, `No pressure, Kevin.''' Val said. ``Kevin just laughed. When it's time for the game, he doesn't hear anything else. He gets his mind set.''
But not until he visits Tyler's grave. It has been Kevin's custom since his sophomore year to visit the gravesite before each of his games.
``Kev just goes out to the cemetery and has a little chat with his brother,'' Val said.
One by one, positive RSVPs to the homecoming invitation came back.
``Within the first three days, Jack called and said, `Of course I will meet you,''' Dan remembered. ``Then there was a voice mail from Heather on my cell phone saying, `Yes, absolutely, we are coming. We wouldn't miss it for the world.'''
``We were in the car, coming down off Cabbage Hill, when Kayode called to say he'd be here. And then William called to say he was coming. It was the first we had heard from him since our initial letter, so I'm thinking that's four and I'm very happy.''
The last to call was Terry Davis, Michelle's mother, who hesitated initially because Michelle had planned a birthday sleepover party. But when Michelle learned of the rendezvous in Walla Walla, she called all of her friends and canceled the party.
Emotions are sure to run high this weekend.
``I am sure we will have lots of things to say to each other,'' Val said. ``I am sure there will be tears shed on both sides.
``This has made me very emotional again, but it's really important to me for them to know about that part of him. I'll say to them, `If you feel particularly cocky or more determined on a given day, that's Ty coming through.' He was such a corker.''
Miller also expects an emotional weekend.
``I know that when I see that mother, it will be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life,'' he said. ``I will lose it.''
The recipients and their family members, 17 in all, will be joined by about 35 members of the extended Baffney family for a dinner prior to Friday night's game. Jenny Baffney, Ty's widow, and Joe, their 3-year-old son, will be among them.
A Saturday morning brunch will conclude the gathering.
Dan is looking forward in particular, he said, to meeting Kayode, the Nigerian.
``He's the heart recipient,'' Dan said. ``And I would just like to put my hand on his chest.''
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