To be asked whether or not one is a real man or a real woman may seem like a simple question. In the documentary, Southern Comfort, we see that there is much more to being a real woman or being a real man. As Kate Bornstein points out in her book My Gender Workbook, one difficult part in this simple question comes when remembering times when “we’re not quite as manly or as womanly as we could be or should be” (Bornstein 2). In both the film and in Bornstein’s writings, the “issue” of the gender binary is captivated.
What constitutes a real woman or a real man? Bornstein talks about how there isn’t any concrete definition for these two binaries. The definitions of gender are made and then if enough people agree with the definitions, they are assumed to be natural. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the word “natural” is something “existing in, determined by, conforming to, or based on nature” (Oxford). Lola, in Southern Comfort reflects on the fact that, “Nature delights in diversity, why don’t human beings” (Southern)? Diversity in nature is important. No matter how small a species may be, every species has an important role to play. It is because of these diversities, that disasters don’t hurt the Earth detrimentally. It is because of these diversities that humans have medicine, shelter, or anything. There is so much depth and diversity involved in nature. Why, then is Trans sexuality so sensitized in societies? It is simply just gender diversity.
“Being a man or being a woman has nothing to do with your genitalia. It has to do with what’s in your heart and your mind,” said Robert Eads in Southern Comfort. This physical piece of one’s identity has been the basis for whether they are a girl or boy. “From the moment we take our first breath, the cry ‘it’s a boy’ or ‘it’s a girl’ ushers us into this world” (Bornstein 1). There is much more to anything than what meets the eye. Robert Eads may look like a simple rough necked man on the outside, but he is much more than that.
This outside appearance can be considered one’s identity. People strive to figure out their identity and ultimately discover their real self. Kate Bornstein calls this “The Real Me” (Bornstein 5). She wonders if we would even need to learn to be this “real me” if it weren’t for societal pressure. Bornstein uses the example of how lesbians, gays, and bisexual people come out of the closet and then become “the real me” (Bornstein 5). These people are “confessing.” How is this confession considered a further embracement of their “real self”? It is merely just another aspect of who they are. It has nothing to do with their identity or some unearthing of their realness. How does this revelation of the “real me” have anything to do with gender anyways?
There are many characteristics of a person. All of these different aspects cannot just be shoved into two distinct categories, male and female. We so often change our minds about these characteristics. We change our minds and our selves our whole life. Bornstein shows how people are involved in many changes, no matter how miniscule they may be. “Maybe someone smiled at you on the street this morning and made you feel good” (Bornstein 8). The only way for anyone to grow is to go through many changes. “…the fact is we’re not the same people we used to be” (Bornstein 8). So, if people change all the time, aren’t they changing their gender as well?
“…We subtly shift the kind of man or woman, boy or girl, or whatever gender we’re being at the moment” (Bornstein 8). Robert Eads went through significant changes throughout his life. Dolls and tea parties were the main commodities as a little girl. He grew up as a woman, married a man, and had two children. He said he always felt like a heterosexual man and being married to a man was the only time he felt like a homosexual. Eads was his own person. He was different. He was a Tran Sexual. He was a caring, loving, human being. Eads is a good example of how there is a range of different kinds of people. Where would Eads fit in on the gender scale? Does it really even matter where someone fits or if they can be squeezed into either the male or female categories? Robert and his chosen/adopted family are people. Sure, they couldn’t be put in one or the other of the two categories, but who really can? We are all different. If there weren’t any diversity in the world, it would be a pretty dull place to be.
Through Director, Kate Davis’ lens, the viewers are welcomed into a real world where everything isn’t all peachy keen. Viewing this story on screen produces a better understanding and compassion towards Robert Eads and the people in his life. The documentary shows how prejudice and ignorance harms those whom are viewed to be "different" in our society. It’s an affecting tribute to a remarkable life. Kate Bornstein brings light to finding one’s self in her book My Gender Workbook. She gives mirrors to people. “After all, you’re not the same person you were when you started to read this book are you” (Bornstein 10)? Bornstein takes the reader on a “journey together through previously unexplored and under explored areas of gender, identity, sexuality, and power” (Bornstein 2). Both of these medias depict how gender can shape someone. They show how natural it is to have diversity.
Works Cited
Bornstein, Kate. My Gender Workbook. New York: Routledge, 1998.
Southern Comfort. Dir. Kate Davis. Q-Ball Productions, 2001.
“Oxford English Dictionary.” Natural. Oxford University Press. 2007.
30 October 2007 <http://0-
dictionary.oed.com.cals.evergreen.edu/>.