Curtain opens on a black box theater. 3 tables, one with an older couple, one with a middle aged woman, one empty. All 3 people are dressed very nice, all 3 sip some coffee(ish) drink. Man reads paper, older woman reads book.

In I walk, carrying baby and diaper bag. I sit at the empty table.

Baby fusses.

Me: Are you hungeee? Do you want some numb numbs?

Older couple glance over. Middle aged woman watches intently. 

I hold baby up, middle aged woman very non-discreetly checks for a ring.

I reach into my diaper bag and pull out a blanket that I lay over my chest and begin to feed the baby.

Older couple looks shocked! The woman leans over and whispers to the man. They both berry their faces in their reading. Man coughs, shuffle paper, woman fidgets. 

Baby begins farting. Loudly. I think it's sort of cute and funny. Middle aged woman thinks it's funny. Older couple do not!

Older couple looks totally offended and they get up to leave.

I finish feeding and pull the baby up.

Baby laughs and smiles at the woman, she smiles and talks to the baby.

Woman: Hi Sweetie. Aren't you a happy girl!

I turn

Me: Are you being friendly?

Woman: How old is she?

Me: 5 months

Woman: Out for a day with mommy? or will your husband be joining you soon?

Me: Oh, it's just us. I'm single.

Woman: Oh

Long silence

Woman: Is this your first?

Me: Yep, Thank God. I can't imagine having two already.

Woman: Do you mind me asking how old you are?

Me: (laughing) How old do you think I am?

Woman: Oh I can't tell those sorts of things. I'd guess 17?

Me: I'm 21

Woman: (sounds totally relieved) Oh (lets out a breath)  What a cute sweater, she has on. Where did you get it?

Me: It was a hand-me-down.

Woman: Well she looks adorable, what a pretty girl in purple.

Me: Thanks.

Woman: What's her name?

Me: Theo

Woman: excuse me?

Me: Theo

Woman: I've never heard that for a girl. Is it short for something?

Me: Well he's a boy.

Woman: (shocked) Oh!! Sorry!! (she obviously feels bad) I just thought.. because of the purple sweater.

Me: Oh it's ok, I let him wear all colors.

Woman: oh...

Long silent pause

I pull a text book out of the diaper bag

Woman: Oh (again looks totally relieved) are you in school?

Me: yes

Woman: What are you studying?

Me: Well right now we're talking about sex.

Woman looks majorly uncomfortable

Me: I go to Evergreen

Woman: Oooooh...