The Resilience Factor by Karen Reivich, Ph. D, and Andrew Shatte, Ph. D. is a tool to help people become more resilient, and a guidebook full of examples of how to do so using examples from the two author’s research, and first hand experience. The book outlines how to use the seven keys: learning your ABC’s, avoiding thinking traps, detecting iceberg beliefs, challenging beliefs, putting it in perspective, calming and focusing, and real-time resilience to finding your inner strength and overcoming life’s hurdles. (13)
In the beginning of the book the reader is encouraged to take the Resilience Quotient tests “that measure a person’s current standing on the seven abilities: emotion regulation, impulse control, empathy, optimism, causal analysis, self efficacy, and reaching out” (33). The format of these tests is similar to Seligman’s, in that you should not spend too much time on one question. I found that I scored average on every single test. However the authors stress how important resilience is no matter what your score. They say that “resilience…enables us to enhance the positive aspects of life” (46). The foundation of the resilience factor is learning your ABC’s; A: adversity, B: belief, C: consequence (93). Once we can “identify the adversities that are most challenging for you, you can recognize your in-the-moment beliefs - what you say to yourself when confronted with adversity - and you can identify how your beliefs make you feel and behave” (93).The authors also have a very honest approach, acknowledging that this skill is not always doable. As explained in the amygdala hijack featuring Barb who throws her drink at a man she thought was her ex in rage (91). I can relate to this scenario for sure, maybe I have not been in the exact same situation, but I can definitely relate, “the very fact that in some situations our emotions are cloud our thinking indicates a greater, not lesser need for rationality.” (93) I wonder though if we did not ever act out and our actions were always mapped out in some way, then were would we be? Is spontaneity thrown out the window? How can you grow if you are constantly mapping your every move? Trapped in a robot state of do’s and don’ts? These are ideas I struggled with while reading certain sections of this book.
I could really relate to chapter nine “The Fast Skills: Calming and Focusing and Real-Time Resilience”. Most of my stress occurs at my job. I like my job, and the work can be stressful at times, but lately the most stressful aspect of my job is a co-worker. We get along really well, I like her, however I can hear her at her desk moaning and groaning. Everything is such a chore to her and she vocalizes it to everyone in a really negative way. She constantly asks the same questions and wants people to do everything for her. I know our supervisor has spoken to her about her actions but it seems that since she is close to retirement it’s avoided. The calming exercises to minimize stress on pages 192-193 have been helpful to me, especially because I can do them at my desk. Focusing on breathing and muscle relaxation helps me refocus my thoughts, and helps me ignore my co-workers whining. It also helps me realize that the whining of my co-workers has nothing to do with me, and that I’m wasting my time being irritated about it. I have also started listening to my iPod more at work, which really enhances my mood.
All in all, I feel like The Resilience Factor is a book that does a pretty good job of presenting skills which could be used to decrease stress in your life. There are a lot of techniques which I feel like it would take a lot out of your day to do, though, and that’s a little intimidating. I know that life needs a balance between planning and spontaneity, and a problem with many people’s lives is that they have too much impulsive action and not enough thought and continuity. Just like a good story, a good life needs to have some continuity in it. The most valuable things which were outlined in the book for me were the calming and focusing exercises and using the resilience skills to heal after loss. The resilience skills for healing after loss section made me think about situations where people do not deal well with loss at all, and “resilience can keep you connected to those around you, and by reaching out for support the process of grieving will be easier” (316). I think that using the skills like they describe can be of great benefit to anyone who has felt loss deeply in their life.