Blessings                                                                                  2/16/08

I started being mindful of my blessings quite awhile ago.  Because I spend more time on dark things, my blessings tend to be pretty close to the bone; things like - thanks for that breath, thanks for the roof over my head, thanks that today wasn’t the day I had to move into my van.

I do try to practice gratitude with an attitude as my top-most platitude.   I have moments of peace and sincere gratitude.

I did much better on the letter:

Dear Rose,

            We are supposed to write a “detailed Gratitude Letter” as an assignment for the Positive Psychology class I’m taking this quarter.  This letter is supposed to thank someone you have “never properly thanked”, “explain in concrete terms why you are grateful”, and tell them “how what they did affected your life”.  I don’t know if this letter to you exactly fills the requirements for the assignment, but for some reason I’m compelled to write to you.  Perhaps it’s because we have just entered the 30 year mark in this quirky journey we have been taking together.  So here goes –

            I never thought that picking a real estate office randomly out of the phone book to start my new career selling real estate would end up bringing me something far greater than a new career.  What I found when I walked through those doors was my bff – “best friend forever”.

            Being my best friend is not an easy task.  It has required a great deal from you and I thank you from the bottom of my heart (and from the top, the sides, the inside, the outside – you get the picture).  (This is the part where I “thank you properly”, so consider yourself “properly thanked”.)

            On to the portion where I “explain in concrete terms why I am grateful”: You have shown me what it means to love “unconditionally”.  I know I can count on you; I can trust you; I can love you back.  I googled the meaning of “unconditional love” and this is the definition I like the best – “two souls, destined to help one another”.  That is what you have done the most, you have helped me; you have helped me in every way imaginable but most of all you have helped me to become myself.  Each time I feel limited by who I think I am, you help me sort through those limits. This has helped me to become more than I ever thought possible.  You are always there with a resounding “Yes You Can” that counters and eventually nullifies my “I don’t think I can”.  Your never-ending faith in me has given me faith in myself.

            There are so many stories I could tell about what your friendship has meant, but I am going to reduce it to one that tells it all.  I got sick, really sick, and ended up in the hospital for days.  No one knew what was wrong; the doctors were taking their sweet time trying to figure it out.  I was in that hospital bed, day and night, for six days.  At the time, I was involved in a horrible relationship.  He never came to see me in the hospital, but you did.  You came everyday, even though you were a fairly new manager for a very large company and didn’t really have the time.  You came even though you and I had gone through some rough spots together right before I got sick and I don’t think you really liked me all that much at the time.  You stayed late into the night, every night, because I was scared and didn’t want to be alone.  You continued to love me, even during the times when I was most unlovable.  I am so grateful.

            Your friendship has made me come to believe that nothing is random.  That long ago walk into the real estate office was part of a bigger plan.  I came to believe in something larger than myself when I met you.  I also believe now that family exists beyond biological constraints and I was given the opportunity to extend my family to include you and yours.  Some of the best people I’ve ever known came along with you:  your mom, your dad, your brother and his wife, and your niece have all added so much love to my life.  Like you, these people opened their arms and their hearts to me.  I am eternally grateful, to you and to them.

            Over the last thirty years we have laughed, we have cried; we have laughed until we cried. We’ve walked arm in arm through the death of  two of our parents, more than a few relationships, failures and successes, hopes and dreams, health and illness - too many changes to list.  The one constant in the blur of time is our love for each other and our friendship.  When I look up the definition of “friend” in my dictionary, I see your shiny, smiley face and I am grateful.  I am eternally grateful that you are my friend.

            Thank you.

We were both crying by the end.  We exchanged hugs and thank yous.  It was a great excercise.