The Resilience Factor by Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatte was eye-opening. I am apparently not as resilient as I once thought. I took the tests expecting to pass with flying colors but unfortunately I ranked well below average. I have overcome so much in my life that I thought that meant I was resilient but the definition of resilient is also different than I once thought. On page 26 the author says that, “resilience is a mind-set that enables you to seek out new experiences and to view your life as a work in progress.”  After taking the tests I am realize that this is something that I need to strive for.

            I found the rest of the book to be quite similar to what I learned about the concepts stemming from cognitive behavioral therapy. The terms may have been different but the concepts were the same. This is not a terrible thing because I am a firm believer that cognitive behavioral therapy is quite useful and effective for change. However, I do wish they would have given credit where credit was due. I felt that this book presented the concept of resiliency and followed that by relating it to the concepts of cognitive behavioral therapy without actually stating it.

            One of the resiliency skills that I viewed as useful and worth working to achieve is “learning your ABC’s” (66). Learning how to recognize what your adversities are is key in understanding how you respond to certain situations. It is so easy to mistake what initially made you mad/sad/anxious when you are caught up in the moment, so taking the time to figure out what those adversities are for you personally seems like a very logical idea. The ‘B’, of the ABC’s, looks at your beliefs that are ingrained in you that affect the way you interpret or respond to adversities. I personally thought that the beeper activity sounded very helpful not only for me personally but would also be an effective activity for a therapist to utilize with particular patients. It is an easy way to identify your beliefs so that you are more attuned to them and can work towards solutions. The ‘C’, consequences, is the feelings and behaviors that affect what you do in the moment when you come in contact with an adversity. The goal is to recognize the way you feel and work towards being able to regulate your emotions and behaviors so that you can accurately respond to any given situation. The author says you should “have your emotions and behaviors be productive, appropriate responses to the facts of the situation, not knee-jerk reactions to your ticker-tape beliefs” (74). I honestly believe that learning your ABC’s, whether you do it the way this book teaches it or you do it the way that CBT teaches it, is a very effective way to become aware of and create changes in your thoughts patterns and  behaviors.

            In chapter five, “Avoiding Thinking Traps”, the author discusses the different thought patterns that people tend to fall into. The ones that I related to the most were tunnel vision and mind reading. I tend to get really focused, or really distracted depending on how you look at it, and only recognize the negative in certain situations. This biases my interpretation of what I think about people and what I believe they think about me. Another downfall of this thinking error is that I will sometimes only seek out information or situations that are consistent with my own beliefs. This limits me from experiencing new things and I am realizing that I need to watch this and keep more of an open mind. The other thinking error, mind-reading, is something that I do in my personal relationships. I assume that people know what I am thinking or feeling and act on that belief. I have known that I do this for a long time but this book finally put a name to it, mind reading. Not only do I assume others know what I am thinking but I assume that I know what they are thinking/feeling. This tends to put me in a tough spot and I intend on working on it. I think the first step I need to take is recognizing when I am doing this, stopping myself, and taking the time to express how I feel or depending on the situation, ask the other person how they feel.

            I also enjoyed the chapter on “Resilience in Marriage and Long-Term Relationships”. I thought the four basic filters that limit partner’s communication were really interesting. Minimizing distracting thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and differences in communication styles can have a positive affect on your relationship by increasing communication. My boyfriend and I read this chapter together and agreed we would work on, not only increasing our communication, but changing the way we fight. We both tend to blame character instead or behavior and this is something we intend to work on.

           The “ticker tape” belief that is referenced throughout the book is quite similar to the CBT concept automatic thoughts. In Chapter six, Detecting Icebergs, I found striking similarities to the concepts found in CBT. The so-called “Iceberg Beliefs” are what a cognitive behavioral therapist coined “core beliefs”. I agree with the concept, we have all developed beliefs that bias our interpretation of events; I just thought it was interesting that they renamed it. The ABC model is also a CBT concept. I enjoyed chapter seven “Challenging beliefs…because I do believe that making change happen in your life is possible…however, I once again felt like I was reading the exact material that I learned last quarter on CBT.

            This book as a whole was interesting and clearly written with a purpose. I believe that purpose was to be a ‘self-help’ book. The complex CBT concepts were given simple easy names so that the reader can remember the terms and attempt to utilize them in their personal lives without the help of a trained therapist. That aside, I personally took away some new understandings and some new goals to work towards in the personal, professional, and romantic domains of my life.