Life can easily fall into a pattern, and lately my pattern has been one of too little time, and too much to do. Trying to fit full-time school with a part-time job and have time left over for my full-time life is not an easy task (as many of you know). Sadly the priorities for my time are not always those that I would choose to do first in my ideal life, but rather those that somebody else has chosen for me. Roughly in this order:
Work (cause they pay me)
School (cause I pay them)
Stuff that “needs” doing (cause if I don’t do it stuff falls apart)
Stuff I should do (cause if I don’t do it I’ll feel guilty)
Stuff people want me to do (cause I’m a “nice” person)
And them…stuff I want to do.
Not surprisingly the 6th place item on my list often ends up not happening, and this my friend, leads to resentment.
Up to this point I was doing pretty well with the whole keeping up thing. As long as I kept my days highly structured most things were fitting in. Then suddenly this week-BAM! way too much to do, and not nearly enough time. Last night was the low point. After I arrived home at 7:00pm from being gone all day (doing stuff that needed doing), I realized that I still had to clean the barn, finish reading the book that I had to write a paper about (that was due last night), make three phone calls and re-catch up with my rapidly sliding inbox. Then my boyfriend had the nerve to call and complain that I was just too busy- didn’t I have any time for him? After I got off the phone I started to go where I sometimes go, down that slippery slope toward the familiar feeling of overwhelmed, depressed sludge. But I caught myself- and the reason that I did was reading all of the wonderful posts that you have been making. Hearing about each of your techniques for calming or lifting your mood gave me inspiration. Three years ago when I participated in Positive Psychology for the first time I did the Elevator ride activity and employed many of the same ideas that you all have been talking about. However, after three years I’ve gotten a little out of practice.
After getting off the phone and catching myself before I slipped, I finished what I had to do, grabbed my favorite book of poetry (that I just haven’t had “time” to read lately) and climbed into bed. It took about two minutes to completely change my mood. After reading for awhile, right before I was ready to go to sleep I noticed that my legs were burning with the familiar feeling of sore muscles that I get after riding my horses (something that inevitably falls into the 6th category of importance), but something that I had made time for this last week-end. I took a moment to savor the hot pain of lactic acid in my legs and realized that this feeling was a manifestation of my prior enjoyment- perhaps a fitting example of how we can continue to enjoy things even after they have passed…and even when we “don’t have time” for them.
“Today, like every other day, we wake up empty
and frightened. Don't open the door to the study
and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.
Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground."
Mevlana Rumi [1] (1207 - 1273)