Performance Works: Telling Stories

Joe Biden to the nation your white teeth do ramble
An insider they call you for experience is a gamble
You stutter and strut to the podium with zeal
A one, two, three speech you certainly do feel

Chorus:
The candidates do clamber to win over the crowd
They speak in double talk with confidence out loud
Each one smiles on to insure and impress,
Certain for all that they know what’s best.

Ms. Palin in circles does wink through her mouth
With non-sequitur avoidance her argument goes south
She speaks very sweetly with down-home charm
“Doggone it! You betcha! Been cravin’! Gosh darn!”
--Elizabeth Blagden

Joe Biden, Missouri, in twenty-o-eight,
Joe Biden brings tidin's of progress and change.
He thinks FDR on t.v. looked quite great,
This and his smile make me think he's deranged.

When eye-full** she tried to hold them to the questions,
But sure 'twas no wonder, she struggled in vein.
These wolves in sheep's clothing got no good intentions
And each serves their apha, Barack and McCain.

Miss Palin's got pals in the Aryan Nation
Miss Palin loves hunting her game from the air
Traditional beliefs give no indication
Of the extreme acts tomorrow she'll dare.
--Sabastian Albertson

Joe Biden is heading all around the nation
Grinning place to place
Supporting Obama, what a sensation
Verbose talking, face to face.

Ms. Palin is new to the politics game
Some might think she is lame
But nothing compares, even the supporters
Of the 5th Horseman, McCain.
--Zach “BZ” Lincoln

Ode to the Future Vice Prez!
Joe Biden shit grinning in down home Missouri
He speaks till tomorrow about yesterday
But will he succeed as Vice Pee Pee Peeee
Let’s leave it to America, the U S of A

Gwen Iffil she tried to hold them to the questions
But sure ‘twas no wonder her struggle was in vain
Our VPs are restless to make their impressions
To help out their leaders Barack and McCain

Ms. Palin gosh darnit I think you might have
The whosits and whatsits of John McCain’s tab
You’d better not stray in this selection
Or you’ll get the boot in this year’s election
--Erin Leyba

Joe Biden grew up a regular dude
Experience digging his grave
Missouri challenged little, he was tight as a fiddle
Until Ms. Palin exclaimed

Ms. Palin winks and smiles with a cheek
Joe Six pack is home, been there all week
The questions are answered precise as a cheat
Mesmerizing America with the simplest of beats

Gwen Iffil shot questions with little refrain
The nation listened in vain
Candidates running circles in rusty restraint
All chins dropped, a baby cried, rest in peace John McCain.
--Matthew McMillan

Joe Biden please trust us your teeth they will blind us
An insider man who goes on and on
He’ll mess up your name and he’ll call you McCain
By the time he stops speaking we all will have gone

Gwen Iffil she tried to hold them to the questions
But sure ‘twas no wonder she struggled in vain
“Joe Biden, Ms. Palin, your thoughts on our nation”
Both then responded an answer with blame

Alaska they love her I’ll betcha they do
With a wink and a smile Ms. Palin holds true
Gosh darn it why is it you speak in such circles
Are you there to distract us McCain’s runnin’ too.
--Robin Tuckett

Joe Biden Shit-grinning down home in Missouri,
He speaks till tomorrow about yesterday
He stuttered so much that some folks start to worry
That he would forget what he’s trying to say.

(Chorus:)
Gwen Ifill she tried to hold them to the questions,
But sure ‘twas no question she struggled in vain
Our VPs are restless to make their impressions
To help out their leaders Barack and McCain.

Ms. Palin, old mayor of Wasilla, Alaska,
She babbled and winked in circles all day
And wailin’ ‘bout values, gosh dang it, you betcha,
We wished with that mouth shut she surely would stay.
--Aurora O’Neill

Joe Biden is hoping to win o’er the nation
He has ex-ex-experience and a shiny white grin
He thinks ‘cause he’s old he’s secure in his station
But it’s gonna take more than smiling to win

Chorus:
Gwen Iffil she tried to hold them to the questions
But sure it’was no wonder she struggled in vain
I know we need options in these situations
But how could a sane person vote for McCain?  
 
Ms. Palin, gosh darnit, she winked her brown eyes
And talked so she ended right where she began
‘Cause talking in circles can cover up lies
And Palin is cravin’ to win if she can
--McKenzie Clifford

Joe Biden in D.C. plugs his hair and his party
his teeth blind the nation with points two and one
Joe Biden bi-bi-Biden finish up now, hurry
Biden, you’ve been talking since 1801

Gwyn Iffil she tries to hold them to the questions
but sure ‘twas no wonder she struggled in vain
the circular patterns carried on over the evening
avoiding themes dinosaurs and huntresses could never explain

“You betcha” and winks around Wasilla from Palin
Squeezing nonsense and hearsay through the side of her jaw
Tie-dyed incense, right-winged bibles, it’s clear Palin’s failin’
To convince the nation she knows anything at all.
--Molly Goldstein

Joe Biden shit grinning down home in Missouri
He speaks till tomorrow about yesterday
He stutters so much that some folks start to worry
That he might forget what he is trying to say

Our VP’s are restless to make their impressions
Faces shining bright but full of distractions
Which shall be led into office who knows, who knows
Easier on my ears, a debate of two crows, two crows

Winkin and twitchin Mrs. Palin is lost
From Alaska her words are filled with frost
Mind in a labyrinth just pacing in circles
How many times has she been through this cycle.
--Paul Krogh

Joe Biden wants to help restore the nation
With his white teeth full of jubilation
He’s been stuttering for years on his way to the top  
I hope he can produce a win for Barack

Gwen Ifill she tried to hold them to hold them to the questions
But sure was no wonder she struggled in vain  
Because while Joe Biden continued to go on and on
All Ms. Palin could say was McCain

Ms. Palin always tries to hide from the questions
Giving strange answers as if it’s game
If our country decides to let her run the nation
First chance I get I’m moving to Spain

Barack is campaigning all day and all night
Hoping he and Biden can win this fight
McCain is off somewhere preparing for war
He can’t remember to go check his score.
--Nick Taylor

Sarah Palin a-winkin’ those eyes in her head
Avoidin’ the bridge subject - is that wrong, I ask ya?
Well, apparently so, ‘cause Americans said
“Thanks, but no thanks, to the bitch from Alaska.”

[If the bridge line doesn’t work, replace it with:
“She’s just so darn random, but is that wrong, I ask ya?”]

Gwen Ifill she crumpled, held her head in despair
While watching slow Joe and the Tina Fey double
Let’s elect Ifill! If she can take on this pair
Of vice president hopefuls, then Russia’s no trouble!
--Shanda Zimmerman

Joe Biden on stage in MO to debate
Three hundred years he’s been spitting out gaffes
To his smile and wink he’s sure you’ll relate
While his one-two punch brings reluctant laughs.

Gwen Iffil she tried to hold them to the questions
But sure ‘twas no wonder she struggled in vain
Wasting our time on VP’s we need a lesson
Learn to turn our focus to Obama and McCain.

Ms Palin throw that clever smile and wink
Let them good old boys forever underestimate
Back woods speaking leading them to think
You’re too cute to plan those wily ways you deviate
--Kyle Dunn

Joe Biden shit-grinning down home in Missouri
He speaks ‘til tomorrow about yesterday.
He stutters so much that some folks start to worry,
That he might forget what he’s trying to say.

Gwen Iffil she tried to hold them to the questions
But sure ‘twas no wonder she struggled in vain.
They rambled along through the hours a-wastin’
One weathered by years and the other’s insane.

Ms. Palin way up in Wasilla, Alaska
gone huntin’ and shootin’ the wildlife away.
She circles around every question you ask her:
“Gosh darn it,” “You betcha” is all that she’ll say.

Gwen Iffil she tried to hold them to the questions
But sure ‘twas no wonder she struggled in vain.
They rambled along through the hours a-wastin’
One stands by Obama, the other, McCain.
--Gen (Genevieve) Galarneau

Joe Biden’s a smilin’ fella from Missouri
White teeth and hair plugs he shoulda been a model
As election time counts down he tries not to worry
That he gets into office and his career doesn’t wobble.

Gwen Iffil she tried to hold them to the questions
But sure ‘twas the wonder she struggled in vain
You might think it be her who be needin’ your blessings
But seeing the polls its surely McCain.

Ms. Palins slang tailin’ her views to the nation
“Dern rights” and “you betchyas” shes sure to include
If she wants to get in office she’s gotta be patient
And each and every month monitor her mood
--Paul Pemberton

Joe Biden shit-grinning down home in Missouri
He speaks till tomorrow about yesterday
He stutters so much some folks start to worry
He might forget what he’s trying to say

Gwen Ifill she tried to hold them to the questions
But sure ‘twas no wonder she struggled in vain
Our VPs are restless to make their impressions
To help out their leaders Barack and McCain

Ms. Palin was wailin’ but no one could follow
Shootin’ nonsense from the side of ‘er trap
Her wink makes folks shudder and run for cover
Avoiding the topic ‘n talkin’ smack
--Alison Frymire

Joe Biden showed up for the fight in Missouri,
Stood at the podium with his teeth shining bright,
He had only minutes so he stuttered up a flurry,
The pundits sure will love their jobs tonight

Gwen Ifill she tried to hold them to the questions
No matter how hard, her plight was in vain,
As Biden kept smiling and again winked Palin,
Don’t forget the Christ child and old man McCain

Now up stand the Governor from Wasila, Alaska
With a folksy huntin’ story and some confusing bullshit
Instead of an answer, she says “Let me ask ya,”
“Do you think McCain’s a dolt for not choosin’ Mitt?”
--Sean Belcher

Joe Biden quit lying the truth will come out
Your gaffes make the citizens twist and shout
His teeth sparkle white like the moon in the night
Oh Biden will you relinquish our fright?

Gwen Iffil she tried to hold them to the questions
But sure ‘twas to wonder she struggled in vein
Our VPs are restless to make their impressions
To help out their leaders Barack and McCain

Ms. Palin were ailing the country needs help
The people want change, the cards have been dealt
She says she’s ready to take on the challenge
Let’s not get caught in this ticket’s talons
--Seth Mumy

Joe Biden, insider, why are you climbing
From DC or Missouri, who’s driving?
Experience is a contribution, come on America
He is a stuttering nuisance

She is a fool just like McCain
Pay her that money and she won’t complain

Ms Palin have a drink with me and my homie
Why are you so runny?
Leave me alone. Go home and don’t you ever call me on the phone…..GONE!
--Waylon Littleton

Joe Biden from Scranton, the nation is waiting
Oh Mr. Insider, now what do you say?
He gives us point one and point two and another
He talks ‘till tomorrow about yesterday

Ms. Palin from Wasilla, all grinnin’ and winkin’
Gosh darn it, you betcha, she’s got quite a brain
She changes the subject whenever it suits her
Did she mention the Maverick, her friend John McCain?

Chorus
Gwen Eiffel she tried to hold them to the questions
But sure ‘twas no wonder she struggled in vain
Our VP’s are restless to make their impressions
To help out their buddies Barack and McCain
--Robert Gray

Joe Biden’s an old-fashioned Dem with a mission
He’d tell you it if he could just stop stutterin’
The way he bungles his words, you can’t help but listen
If he’d just shine those teeth, I’m sure he would win

Miz Palin’s not much better, I’m ashamed to say
Behind the politics we all know she’s a cunt-
-ry music-lovin’ whore bitch from Alaska, eh
I pray that darned wink of hers will become defunct

Chorus
Haven’t you heard, dear, all politics are shit?
Dontcha know these two are the living proof of it?
They are fingers on the hand we shoulda bit
Take me to Canada, their debate was the pits.
--Grant McGee

Two Contenders
Refrain
Two contenders for office had started debatin’
An old time insider and a hockey mom
The whole world is watching and patiently waiting
Oh, will they befriend us or give us the bomb?

Joe Biden chagrining down home in Missouri
He speaks til tomorrow about yesterday
He stutters so much that some folks are worried
That he might forget what he’s trying to say.

Doggonit Ms. Palin where has she been livin?
The Ruskies ain’t got Alaska no more
Her winkin’ and grinnin’ has made us all nervous
She’s just so damned boring, we can’t help but snore

Refrain

Joe Biden the scholar delivered a lesson
In history revised to fit all his claims
How our nation would get out of depression
In a TV appearance by old FDR

Refrain

Does anyone know where Palin is going?
She’s talkin’ in circles, til she’s gotten lost
The answers to questions she’s always avoidin’
But she wants that office no matter the cost

Refrain
--Don Gray

Joe Biden has stuttered his way to Missouri
He’ll win over some with his teeth sparkling white
His rambling answers will cause some to worry
But his flailing hands will win over the night

Gwen Ifill did sigh when she heard them respond
To the questions she’s written for them to debate
Their sentences circled until the sun dawned
And they never did tell us of our countries fate

Miss Palin won’t answer how you think she should
But she’ll tell y’all about her good friend McCain
And everyone knows that she’s misunderstood
‘Cause bein’ an outsider is such a pain.
--Meg Swanson

Joe Biden hopes to win over the nation,
With teeth so white they may just blind you.
Old as hell with a great reputation,
Stutters on words just to get through.

Gwen Ifill she tried to hold them to the question,
But sure ‘twas no wonder she struggled in vain
As our candidates tried to make an impression
For their humbled leaders Barack and McCain

Ms. Palin uses too much gosh darn slang
If she were hear she’d say you betcha
For she would wink her way through a big bang
With a side talkin “g” missin roundabout way.
--Brittany Taliaferro

Ms. Palin your choices need not to evolve
The world holds nothing that science can solve
Clandestine primates birth irony sores, No!
We know thats all bull-shit you’ve said so before
--Will Raisl

Joe Biden walked in with a sickening grin
Dear sir, with your teeth there’s no way to blend in.
You stutter and blubber, Number 1!, Number 2!
The crowd is a snoozin’, just get your point through.

Gwen Ifill she tried to hold them to the question
But sure ‘twas no wonder she struggled in vain.
The people transfixed before that TV station
Gosh darnit, you betcha, I  can’t feel my brain!

Ms. Palin was trailin’ after “Charles Gibson”
She mistook the Doctrine for Bush’s worldview.
But after tonight she surpassed expectations
She’s just like a parrot, and feistier, too!
--Spencer O’Karma

Joe Biden stepped up to the podium and said:
“To restore this great nation here’s my master plan
Number one! Uh, the war, my dear friends don’t worry
Our troops will be safe, in Pakistan”

When Ifill she tried to hold them to the questions
But sure twas no wonder, she struggled in vain.
The VPs are trying to make their impressions
To serve their leaders, Barack and McCain.

Ms Palin supports invasion, that’s what Israel is for
Oh what the hell, Why not nuke Darfur?
We’re right to be in their homes and their seas, for
They hate our freedom to buy as we please
--Baki Wright

Joe Biden in aught-eight stutters and shines
His friends and his nation watch his replies
His insider knowledge makes him Number One,
Number Two, he’ll keep talkin’ ‘til his battle is won.

chorus:
Gwen Iffil, she tried to hold them to questions
But sure, to no wonder, she struggled in vain,
Biden and Palin have taught her some lessons
The VP candidacy is not for the sane.

Hockey mom Palin, side-spittin’ in circles
Hopin’ to hell her ‘Laskan ice holds her safe
If she keeps up that winkin’, gosh darn, she’ll need a miracle
To win with McCain on election day.
--Caitlin Roberts

Joe Biden he’s smilin’ his teeth frightn’ing white.
His partner’s Obama and they’re both Democrats.
He tells all the people McCain can fly a-kite.
The White House is where he will soon be at.

Ms. Palin is shavin’ her big hairy legs
To impress all the old folk that’re like McCain.
She screams “Gosh darn it I spilled my eggs.”
When she’s losing to Biden ‘n Barack Hussein.
--Joe O’Brien

Joe Biden Joe Biden talks about wasting money
But his plans on saving money sure sound really funny
He stutters his words like a little shy kid
I just hope he doesn’t screw up like George W. Bush did

Sarah Palin Sarah Palin you look very hot
Blahblahblahblahblahblah your speech tied you in a knot
But give her the mic and because she thinks she can solve all our issues
Her lack of experience doesn’t seem like an issue.
--Joe Patterson

Joe Biden was striving to win in Missouri
While showing off his teeth that are whiter than white
He made one point, then two points, and three in a hurry
Then stuttered his way through the vice presidential fight

Oh the VPs of Obama and McCain were in a debate
Answering questions from Ifill with their mouths ramblin on
They stated their opinions and their heads did inflate
Both determined to win for their leaders, doggone

Ms. Palin was talkin’ with a wink in one eye
Saying anything to avoid the question at hand
She was talking in circles about nothing that applied
Throwing in some slang making her anything but bland
--Sammie Huntley

Joe Biden, teeth grinding, torn messages sent
One gets him started and two there’s no end
He drones about experience, when facts don’t seem straight

Gwen Ifill she tried to hold them to the question
But sure ‘twas no wonder she struggled in vain...

Dead Biden, Dumb Palin, such futile debate
Mixed signals, confusions, a nation engaged...

Ms. Palin, an expert who knows all the truths
Endangered? Well kill them, it’s for their own good
Here’s an idea: what’s bad is now good...

(chorus)
Where do they all flock from,
The leaders of men?

Absurdness, such poorness
It’s all that we get
It’s all that we get
--Milous Brown

Joe Biden was smiling his teeth frightening white
He doesn’t think before he opens his mouth
It’s starting to scare the American people
That he can’t remember what year TV came out

He once used his hair to sweep up his kitchen
Now its plugged into the top of his head
It takes him forever to spit out a sentence
I guess I will vote for Ms. Palin instead

I don’t understand why care so much about them
They both might be smart yet they both sound insane
Did anybody tell them we’re voting for president
They are just here so we can laugh ‘long the way

Lord knows she can work her way round a question
A pitbull with lipstick, what the hell did she say
All I know is once Obama is voted into office
That pitbull’ll be running tail between its legs

She makes up these words that are relevant to nothing
Winking ain’t cute unless you’re in the fourth grade
Mr. Palin’s the one who is an American hero
‘cause he has to put up with that dumb bitch all day
--Ryan Roland

Joe Biden speaks longer than a boa constrictor
Number one someone needs to come change his diaper
Number two he needs glasses to see the whole picture
Can you come down and smell if this is getting riper?

Gwen Ifill she tried to hold them to the questions
But sure ‘twas no wonder she struggled in vain
But of course it was with Americans they was messin’
In the end it didn’t matter for McCain won the game,

Mrs. Palin rode a polar bear onto the stage
A yokel from Alaska to stir up the game
Her speech drew frowns troubled glances for she could not be gauged
Her words flipped and jumped around the questions
--Joe Williams

Joe Biden has stuttered his way into office,
His teeth so bright we forget about his hairline,
But may find luck as he mutters in silence,
Don’t take him to light because the way he talks, how can you

Gwen Ifill she tried to hold them to the questions
But sure ‘twas no wonder she struggled in vain,
Our VP’s are restless to make their impressions to help out there leaders, Barack and McCain.

Ms. Palin you wink like you have turrets,
Nothing you say sounds educated, betcha can’t spell either,
But some might see you mumble in the mike,
Is it your cravin’, or bein’ bothered by some topics.
--Ryan Lara

She’s just a hockey mom out to do world good
She don’t speak English like a normal person would
I’m running from taxes but that’s how she’ll get me
If its Republican I’ll pull a Lear you see

Chorus
Mrs. Palin you maverick please don’t leave Alaska
If you were my mom that’s what I’d go ask ya
Mrs. you stand there smiling while our troops are dying
If you’re here in a month I’m leaving no lying

Mrs. Palin you could be the first woman VP
Too bad you’re half as great as my girl Hillary
Under you abortion laws will get real real tight
But that is ok cause I’m with the Christian right
--Seth Lueck

Ms. Palin you’re cravin’ to wink at Biden and McCain
Ms. Palin she says with side of her mouth
“You betcha,” I’m gonna be huntin’ in Alaska
God darn it.

Chorus

She answers her questions with the side of her mouth
She winkin’ and cravin’ to be vice president.