The Quiet Community

by Tammie Berman

                               

What is activism?  Is activism rioting, in your face yelling and screaming as well as nonviolent marches?  That is what I think of when I think of the word activism, but other people think of it in another way.  One person is Heather McCully, my partner of over eight years.  She graduated from The Evergreen State College in 2009 with her BA.  Her main focus was in Sociology and U.S. History. 

I think it’s combined of several different things.  I don’t think there is one specific answer for that.  While going door to door and being silent well, fairly silent but doing things the way that obviously have gotten things done; I think is a big part of activism.  You don’t have to be in your face with signs and yelling at people to get done what you need to get done. (McCully 3)

There have been gay rights issues even before the Stonewall riots.  Stonewall is a gay bar in Greenwich Village, New York.  During a round of raids by the local police department the gay men and women started rioting.  Gay men and women were rioting against police brutality, being beaten up or killed because they were gay, and being fired for being gay.  Gay men and women had had enough; they wanted to be free; they wanted equality.  Many see this riot in Greenwich, New York-1969 as the start of the gay rights movement.  Gay rights have come a long way since 1969.  Let us move away from New York State-1969 and into Washington State-2011.  There seems to be a quiet activism going on in Washington State.

To date Washington State has not had any rioting or uprisings.  So, what is going on in Washington State?  Is Washington State doing anything for gay rights?  Laws have been put into place to protect gay men and women from hate crimes and from being unjustly fired because they are gay.  What more could gay men and women want?  Gay men and women want complete equality, including the right to marry.  Is Domestic Partnership a step forward toward gaining the right of marriage?  In looking at the Domestic Partnership bill in Washington State, I am hoping to gain some knowledge on marriage versus domestic partnership. 

Is Domestic Partnership in Washington State, marriage or not?  I spoke to Gloria Stancich who worked on the Lesbian/Gay Oral History Project Phase I and who spoke at the “Coalition Building Through History: A Presentation For the GLBT History Symposium” which occurred in Tacoma, WA-1998.  She (Gloria) was adamant that domestic partnership is not marriage.  When looking at the domestic partnership bill it does seem to match what marriage is, so, why not call it marriage?  After speaking to Gloria I began to think that it is not marriage.  Some of the reasons we talked about were: marriage is covered under Federal statutes; however, Domestic Partnership is not.  Married couples are allowed to claim each other on the Federal tax returns but domestic partners cannot.  Married couples can move all across different states and are still considered married.  Domestic Partnership bills are not transferable state to state.  If a gay couple registers as a domestic partnership in Washington State and then decides to move to Idaho, that partnership would not follow.  This brings me to asking the question; why are gay communities in places like Tacoma and Olympia quiet?  How was the gay community able to pass the Domestic Partnership bill? 

The social, religious, and political climates seem to be conservative, which makes it certainly more difficult to risk visibility.  Some argue, however, that invisibility leads to the belief that there is ‘no problem’ here to be concerned with. (Stancich 1)

Even though the community is quiet, they are still doing things in a way which forces individuals to look at homosexuals as people first and not who they are; which is gay.  One example of this are the gay activists in the Tacoma area decided to go door to door to discuss with homeowners and renters the Domestic Partnership bill.  Gay activists who did this were not flamboyant or wearing gay pride pins or clothes like what can be seen at gay pride parades throughout the United States.  These activists were in normal clothes, quietly and strategically doing this task of walking door to door, which in some respects forces these particular homeowners and renters to look at these gay men and women just as men and women.  Heather would agree with the fact that despite being quiet things are getting done. 

Well, I mean it's obvious things are getting done because things are changing with the domestic partnership law that was put into place couple years ago.  That was obviously a step forward of course, obviously there is something going on but it does seem fairly quiet. (McCully 2)

It is hard for me to understand that things are getting done when it is not as obvious.  Would it be better if the gay community in the Olympia and Tacoma area rose up like the blacks did in the South?  Are nonviolent marches going to need to start taking place for the gay community to get noticed?  Would this act cause states to react in the same manner as the towns and cities did during the Civil Rights movement?  This eventually caused the Federal government to come in and make certain decisions about black issues they did not necessarily want to make.  There seems to be this idea that if I am not being harmed or affected because I am black or gay then why do anything?

Until something changes in the community that will make them not quiet you just wait for things to happen.  Something has to spark it whether it be a person. (McCully 6)

Why wait?  Why not do something now to spark or ignite the gay community into action?  Just because you are not experiencing hate because of the color of your skin or sexual orientation does not mean you are not harmed or affected by it.  The examples I keep coming back to are Matthew Shepard and Emmett Till.

                 

Matthew Shepard was gay and twenty-two years old.  In 1998 he was taken by two men out to a remote area of Laramie, Wyoming.  These two men tied Matthew to a fence, assaulted him and left him for dead.  Despite being found by a bicyclist he passed away .
                                

Emmett Till was a fourteen year old black boy visiting relatives in Money, Mississippi in 1958.  He liked to prank people.  Till was hanging out with friends at a grocery store.  His friends joked with him about approaching the white women in the store.  Emmett decided to take up that offer.  Three or four days after the incident a truck load of men approached the farm Emmitt had been staying at, kidnapped him, beat him and left him for dead.  His body was found several days later extremely mangled, almost unrecognizable.  Mamie Bradley did not think that what was going on in the south did not affect her until her son’s death.  Then she realized that it affected her as well as everyone else.

Two months ago I had a nice apartment in Chicago.  I had a good job.  I had a son.  When something happened to the Negroes in the South, I said ‘That’s their business, not mine.’  Now I know how wrong I was.  The murder of my son has shown me that what happens to any of us, anywhere in the world had better be the business of us all. (Williams 57)
      
I don’t mention these horrific tragedies because of the tragedy itself but to show that we are all affected by what happens when there is discrimination, no matter where, it affects us in some way and even Mamie Bradley realized that it affected her and even should have before her son’s death.  After her son’s death Mamie Bradley became an activist.  What will it take for the gay community to become active on the issue of gay marriage?

As we have discussed, Gay marriage is not equal to Domestic Partnership.  Someday with the support and activism of our communities’ gay marriage will be available along with Domestic Partnership.  What can the gay community do to become a part of that activism?   What does activism need to look like?  I think the gay community needs to organize like the blacks did in the South.  Blacks had organized into the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP), the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC) and Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee (SNCC).  Organization for gay rights into groups is happening at least in the Tacoma and Olympia area.  They are organizations such as National Organization for Women (NOW), The Dorian Chapter, and Tacoma Lesbian Concern (TLC), the Human Rights Campaign, Pierce County Aids Foundation (PCAF), and Parents and Friends of Lesbian and Gays (PFLAG).  There are also youth and young adult centers such as The Rainbow Center and Oasis.  The Rainbow Center is for all ages and is active in the Tacoma political environment.  Oasis is a youth center for gay youth ages 14-24 and is not as political.  Oasis gives youth a safe place to go to and be with other individuals who are gay without any judgments.

These organizations have been extremely active in the Tacoma and Olympia areas despite their quiet activism.  These organizations were able to help in the passing of the Domestic Partnership bill.  What is next for these organizations?  The next step is to fight for marriage rights. Gay men and women are still waiting on complete equality.  Complete equality again would include gay marriage as well as domestic partnership.  How do we move from domestic partnership into marriage?  How do we become active to ensure it gets done?  Is the quiet activism working in Olympia and Tacoma?  Look at how long Blacks struggled to gain their independence and rights even with having riots, bus boycotts, and marches.  Would it have taken them longer if they just stood on the side lines being quiet about all that was happening?  How much longer can gay people afford to be quiet and complacent in their lives?     I think it starts with the breaking down of barriers.  Just recently, the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy was rescinded by the Federal Government.  Gay men and women who were affected by this policy are in the process of getting their full benefits.  I have heard gay military men and women who have been removed from service being able to reenlist into the military.  The Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy obviously was a state issue as well as a Federal one.  According to Heather, not just Don’t Ask Don’t tell but also gay marriage "shouldn’t even be a state issue; it should be a matter of what’s right as a whole. (McCully 5) 

Unfortunately, it is a state issue as well as a Federal issue.  Gay men and women need to have states recognize gay marriage first.  The task I think for gay men and women would be to get enough states to recognize gay marriage.  If enough states could do this then maybe the Federal government would make marriage legal at the Federal level. However, The Federal government has a bill which passed in 1996 defining marriage:

In determining the meaning of any Act of Congress, or of any ruling, regulation, or interpretation of the various administrative bureaus and agencies of the United States, the word ‘marriage’ means only a legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife, and the word ‘spouse’ refers only to a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife.

This bill is called the Defense of Marriage Act.  It was quietly enacted by the one hundred fourth Congress of the Unites States of America at the second session on January 3, 1996 by President Clinton.  With this bill at the federal level to overcome, how can the gay community make progress?  The gay community was able to overturn Don’t Ask Don’t Tell through their activism.  Is it possible that they will be able to overturn the Defense of Marriage Act as well? The Defense of Marriage Act just recently was denounced by President Obama.  With one less obstacle to overcome the gay community is one step closer to legalizing gay marriage.  However, the gay community still has a lot more obstacles to overcome. 
 

How can the gay community overcome these obstacles if the community is quiet in their efforts?  Instead of bus boycotts maybe all of the gay men and women in the Tacoma and Olympia area need to march to the Capital Building and have wedding services at the Capital Building. 

Gay marriage or, as some states call them, "Civil Unions," are legal in Vermont, Connecticut, New Jersey, Illinois and New Hampshire.  Domestic Partnerships are legal in Nevada, California, Washington, Oregon, The District of Columbia and Maine . (ask.com)

Is that enough states to get the Federal government involved?  Obviously it is not enough because the gay community is waiting on the Federal government to legalize marriage.  How many more states does the gay community need to legalize gay marriage before the Federal Government will step in?  Washington State is one of those states still waiting to legalize gay marriage.  There seems to be a lot of support here in Washington State to accomplish the task of legalizing gay marriage.  However, how can you organize when you don’t have a leader?  I think great leaders are missing from this whole topic of gay marriage and the youth who want to take action.

Martin Luther King Jr., A. Philip Randolph, Rosa Parks and Malcolm X were the leaders of the Civil Rights movement who could mobilize groups of individuals and youth into action.  Who is going to emerge and fill the shoes of such great leaders?  Where are the youth voices of today?  Would their voices make a difference in such a huge arena?  I am not sure if there will ever be any person like Martin Luther King Jr., A. Philip Randolph, Rosa Parks and Malcolm X.  I think there is someone out there who will be able to step up and be the person the gay community is waiting on to mobilize them into action to include the youth.  The youth don’t seem to be active politically in their communities. 

How can we get these youth invested into gay marriage rights?  I think gay youth are becoming actively involved in the fight for gay rights to include gay marriage because of what is going on.  Gay youth are being bullied at school; musicians are singing songs about gay men and women killing themselves because they are gay.  The counter measure to these hate crimes or discrimination is that gay men and women are finding allies such as other musicians who are gay and are recording songs and singing them about it is okay to be gay.  One singer is a black artist named Todrick Hall who sings an original song called: “It Gets Better”.    Having individuals who youth look up to; who can get these youth invested into gay issues is an important factor with the gay rights movement.  Another thing I see is that some youth are holding silent protests at their high schools.  Puyallup Emerald Ridge High School on April-2002 students organized a silent protest during school hours .  The protest was to show support for gay youth who were being harassed daily because of their sexual orientation.  There may not necessarily be a plan of action but sporadic incidents.
 

Maybe I am not seeing this plan of action for several reasons.  I myself am not involved with what is going on, which includes the gay marriage issue, and I have been complacent because up until now I did not necessarily think it affected me.  It does affect me because I am in Washington State and am able to register as a Domestic Partner with my girlfriend Heather but, that will never be considered marriage.  Also, if we decide to move to a state which does not have a Domestic Partnership bill we will not be considered partners or married.
 

I, like many of my colleagues, want the rights of marriage.  How can I want this but sit back and not do anything about it?  How can I ask the youth I am mentoring to be active when I am not?  I have never been discriminated against for being gay.  I am lucky there because I know several gay men and women to this day who do get harassed because they are gay. 

Imagine if all the gay men and women in not just the United States but the whole world finally stood up as one to demand equality.  What would it look like if everyone who believed in gay marriage stood up and said “legalize marriage”?  I am not just talking about gay men and women but the heterosexual allies who believe in the right of everyone to marry.  I wonder then if gay marriage would be legalized!  It is up to us to find that activism in ourselves; become a part of that activism to show the world this is not a gay right but a human right of all to be able to live their life with whomever they chose.  I think when that happens then the gay community will be able to move forward with legalizing gay marriage. 

Despite the quiet activism going on, the residents of Tacoma and Olympia are starting; it seems to coming around to accept the gay community.  The process has been slow but effective.  Youth are finding their voices and the older generations have united into organizations to help with the process of gay marriage equality.  The gay community is finding allies in heterosexuals to fight this equality issue.  How can we get more invested into this fight?  Who can the gay community look to for this help? 

The gay communities in Tacoma and Olympia are striving to find and collaborate with gay friendly organizations to help them in their fight.  I say “their fight? but I really mean our fight.”  Have you had to fight for any of your rights?  Why should anyone have to fight for a right that should already exist?  I remind everyone that what affects one group should affect us all because you never know what might come.  The example I think of is Mamie Bradley and how things affected her.  Should you wait for something to happen to you or should you as a fellow American or a fellow of the Human Race do something before it happens to you? 

In the effort for legalizing gay marriage I would like to see more activism.  I keep remembering one of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. speeches and he says:

We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed…….For years now I have heard the word ‘wait!’  It rings in the ear of every Negro with a piercing familiarity.  This ‘wait’ has almost meant ‘never.’ (King, Jr. 155)

I, like Dr. King, have grown impatient of the word “wait”.  To me the word “wait” does seem like things will never happen. Who else out there is tired of this particular word when it comes to gay marriage?  I know the gay community cannot just all of a sudden explode out of their quiet activism into this loud rioting or nonviolent activism so, there is a need to do some strategic planning of what to do, how to do it and when to do it?  Nonviolent marches or rioting will get noticed quicker than the quiet activism that is going on right now.  If the gay community decides to change their approach and tactic would gay marriage get legalized any quicker?  I am not sure how to answer that particular question.  It would seem as though it could help get gay marriage legalized quicker, but at what cost?

The cost for blacks to get their rights during the civil right movement was one of death and destruction.  Is the gay community willing to risk their own lives for the cause of gay marriage?  Have there already been way too many lives lost in the fight not just for gay marriage but in the whole fight for equality?  When will true equality be achieved for everyone? 

I leave you all to contemplate what you can do in your own community to be a part of history.  The history here would be to help the legalization of gay marriage, not just in Washington State but in every state.  Organize into groups, call your Senators and Congressmen and tell them there should be gay marriage in this state and every state.  Not just organizing into groups but becoming a voice that can be heard all over the state and even the country side.  Gay pride parades are another way allies of gay issues can support the gay community. 

Gay pride is not just celebrating being gay and the community coming together but it is a way that we remember the Stonewall Riots.  The Stonewall riots happened at the end of June; that is when Gay pride is celebrated as well.  Gay pride is not just a bunch of gay men and women coming together to celebrate their lifestyle but there are booths you can go to and sign up to become an activist with different types of organizations in your community.  Youth centers are there to help youth.  Certain city officials make their way to the event, and so it is a chance to meet and talk with them and let them know that you are for gay rights.  These are the different ways you can become active in the gay community. 

Another way of becoming active is researching information and seeing what organizations and businesses are gay friendly and showing your support by either shopping at those businesses or becoming a part of the organizations in some form or fashion.  Businesses which are gay friendly that I was able to find are:

AA Party Rentals, Adams and Associates, Custom Hardwood Floors, Inc., First American Title, Hanson Motors, Indoor Reef, James Center Dental Excellence, Melinda K. Holman M.A., L.M.H.C., The Rainbow Center Open Arms Community Church, Boeing, Microsoft, Alaska Airlines Veterinary Dental Referral Service of Puget Sound and Blue Lotus Café.

The above list is not a comprehensive list of businesses.  There are gay yellow pages which has a comprehensive list of gay friendly businesses and organizations.  Although, the gay yellow pages is a great resource to finding gay friendly businesses, it is not necessarily all the businesses.  Another way to find gay friendly businesses is by word of mouth because some businesses or organizations may not advertise they are gay friendly.  The reasons for not advertising they are gay friendly vary from not wanting to be harassed to confidentiality policies and procedures. 

Show your support quietly or as openly as you as a person are comfortable with, but show your support.  In all of these efforts and organizations for gay rights to include gay marriage the gay community will win the right to marry.  It will take each and every one of us to get involved and to take action.  Whether the activism is quiet or nonviolent marches and riots there is activism going on if you as an activist know where to look.  You as an individual have to choose what is best for you.       

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