Fashioning the Body: Versions of the Citizen, the Self, and the Subject

Love is something you cannot live without. Someone who gives the illusion of paying attention is easy to fall in love with. -- lessons from Tomorrow's Eve

I love the internet because I can interact with people without the confines of physicality. I hate the internet because I can interact with people without the confines of physicality. Livejournal, in high school? Insta-gratification for angst. Online gay youth groups in middle school because I could find no gay people my age? Relief. And then, wow, when the internet started creeping me out, lo and behold, I found gay people my age in my own town. Online groups about depression, eating disorders, human shield FYIs. I used to get over 200 -mail messages from yahoo groups. Forgive me, i was 15 and thought no one understood me, but you depression-si-suicide@yahoogroups.com, you connected me with all sorts of people who knew the "real me." And you "lesbian-and-bisexual-women@yahoogroups.com," connected me with others who share my identity. Oh, and we can't forget "gayUKyouthboyz@yahoogroups.com," for connecting me with gay men all over the United Kingdom.

Then, I decided that I wanted to quit blogging and writing e-mails to yahoo!groups and actually interact with my community. So I unsubscribed. And for a period of time, the best way to reach me was through the mail. I am obsessive about e-mails and letters, for many it is easier to be obsessive with letters. And lord knows how many times I've regretted hitting the 'send' button, occasionally things that have wacked up my life in -- now I can say good ways. E-mail implies exhaustion and almost mandates response. She loved my letters, not my e-mails. But then, occasionally, I'll meet a beautiful person and the way we can keep in touch is through e-mail. I'm not talking gayYouthUK, but actual friendship. Still, it seems both like I have an amazing network of people who have my back and a false sense of security.

I still prefer letters. But, guiltily, looking for an interfaith group of women who cover their heads for religious reasons, I turned to yahoo! And, baby, this is why I love you. Because you bring some women of different faiths who wear niqab, hajab, bandanas, headscarves, veils, etc. together, and you have the beginnings of alternative discourse, I think. So I continue to have a complete relationship.