Interdisciplinary Psychology:

Forgiveness

 Pyramid Model of Forgiveness (Worthington): 

1)      Recall the Hurt: 

The hurt or transgression that I am recalling is self-inflicted. When it came time to decide who I was going to forgive I realized that I have been blessed in this area. The people that I have in my life do not need forgiving and frankly most of them have had to forgive me. I really started to rack my brain for whom to forgive and that’s when I realized that the worst things that have happened to me in life were purely personal choice. I spent about 6 years of my life on a self-destructive path and I thought I had forgiven myself. However, when reading the forgiveness activity directions I realized that when I think about this time in my life I still feel sick and mad at myself for all the stupid harmful things I have done. I also make the effort NOT to think about that time in my life and the things that I have done to myself… so clearly I have not granted myself forgiveness. So, I am ready to say; I spent 6 years of my life harming myself and others…through drug use, dishonesty, shame and guilt… and now I recognize that and have changed my actions drastically. It is time to forgive myself and let go of my ‘self’ resentments.

 2)      Empathize: 

Dear Chelsea,

      I am writing this letter so that you are able to understand why I committed these harmful acts. I was in a terrible place in my life. It wasn’t the “real” me. It was the druggy “I will do anything for my next fix” version of me. My actions are not a reflection of who I really am and if I could take it all back I would. Of course I feel bad about the things that happened but for what it is worth it has made me the person I am today. There is no going back now and so I am not able to repair the hurt I caused in the way I would like, which would be to take it all away as if it never happened. What I can do is continue making steps in my life to ensure that these things will never occur again. Money can be paid back, valuables can be replaced, and apologies can be made…but what is most important to me is that you understand that despite everything that happened; you are a good person. So remember, a person on drugs is not the person they are when they are sober.

                                                                                                   Sincerely,

                                                                                                            The old Chelsea  

3)      Altruistic Gift of Forgiveness: 

I have done a lot of things in my life that I regret. I am lucky enough to have people in my life that have given me a second chance and granted me forgiveness. What a wonderful gift to give to someone. Now it is time to give that gift to myself.

 4)      Commit to Forgive: 

I spoke to my sponsor about this assignment. We made a certificate of forgiveness together. It was emotional…in a good way. She reminded me that I will still cringe when I think of some of the things that happened and still regret ‘losing’ so much time but I need to remind myself that it was not me and I am still young with plenty of life to live. She said if I follow through then I will not only be a much happier person but I will be able to (someday) look back and laugh at some of the things that happened. She said you get to a point where you are so far past that grim time that it doesn’t even seem like you when you look back. Well, I am 3 years sober and I can definitely recognize when I look back at those years in my life I feel like it was a different person…and it truly was… it was the ‘using Chelsea’… and not only am I committed to staying the ‘sober Chelsea’ but I am committed to forgiving myself. 

5)      Hold onto Forgiveness