Interdisciplinary Psychology:

Over the past year I have been focusing on coming to terms with my past, which has involved forgiving the wrong that I felt had been done to me. For this activity I was not able to go through the process again because I guess you could say I am up to date on my forgiving, but I still feel close to the process of forgiving my daughters father so I will write about that.

            Recalling the hurt was easy for me, I was unable to deny the hurt because it was an everyday part of my life (my daughter), but I did suffer from stomach ulcers and extreme anxiety for over 2 years until I was able to finally accept the reality of the situation and stop blaming myself for the entire situation.

            I was able to empathize with him once I separated myself from his life and viewed his own fear and anxiety about being a father as his motivation to leave. He grew up without a father and feels that he is unable to be one himself. His anxiety associated with failing was so strong that he would rather not try then be there and perhaps prove to himself that he would be unsuccessful.

            Once I realized that this was not a malicious act of abandonment and his guilt for leaving was taking over his life, I know that I had to forgive him, for his own and my piece of mind, it was ripping both of us apart inside.  Because I too have been forgiven for causing non-purposeful pain in others and know the relief associated with being forgiven, I knew it had to be done for the sake of everyone involved. 

            I committed to forgiving him by sitting down with him and letting him know that I understood where he is coming from and though it was very painful in the past I have forgiven him and point no blame for the decisions that he felt needed to be made to better his own life. Though I let him know that I did not agree with his choices I also made it clear that I understood that they were his choices to make and I had let go of the negative feelings towered him, to benefit him, our child and myself.

            I am unsure if he has been able to forgive himself but I do know that I have begun to play my part in that process and it feels really good to be free of the resentment and anger that I was holding onto.

            Over the past year of forgiving I found it essential to keep in mind that much like myself, everyone is simply looking for happiness in life, that there is nothing wrong with someone because they have a different ideal of happiness then my own. Some individuals do not click together in this world and that does not mean that one is right or wrong, simply different. Forgiveness became easy for me once I began to think contextually and view others lives as a whole set of circumstances, environments and experiences and not just plucking out and judging individual behavioral acts. Bottom line-people make mistakes, no one is perfect and everyone disserves a second chance.