User Login
Resilience Factor Response
Submitted by Lauren on Sun, 02/17/2008 - 10:52pm.
I thought that The Resilience Factor, by Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatte, did an incredible job of clearly laying out the necessary steps for building resilience. Despite the book’s complicated and highly specialized subject, all the information—and there was a lot of it—was accessible and easy for the layperson to understand. I found it hard to just sit down and read this book within the time allotted, because I could easily have spent weeks on each chapter, practicing each exercise and activity until it was second nature, before moving on to the next.
Another thing I liked about this book was the attitude with which Reivich and Shatte presented their material. Right off the bat, they establish realistic expectations with the reader and make it know that “the skills imparted in this book… are not a quick fix.” (p.5) They let the reader know that learning the skills will require a lot of hard work and dedication, while keeping the overall tone hopeful and encouraging. Many other “self-help” books struggle to achieve this type of balance, and most err on the side of hope, leaving hard work by the wayside.
Since reading this book I find myself noticing things about my behavior and the behavior of others. For example, there is a woman I work with, who is known for being difficult. She nitpicks incessantly at co-workers about unimportant details and seems to see herself as vital and irreplaceable to the restaurant, and just generally better than everyone else. Today was an incredibly busy day and all the servers were rushing around. This woman—we’ll call her “Jess”—and I were going to the bar to get our guest’s drinks. Her tray was sitting empty in front of my drinks, so, without thinking, I pushed it over to the side, maybe three inches. This action apparently makes “Jess” very upset. “How could you just move my tray like that?! That is so rude and disrespectful!” My first thought, of course, was “Man, what a bitch!” But, because of the book, my very next thought was, “Wow, I bet she’s got a pretty strong iceberg belief about respect!” This definitely gave me more empathy for her—it must be really draining to make sure that your rights are respected at every moment—but I couldn’t resist pointing out how rude it was of her to put her tray in front of my drinks, just to mess with her. Do you think she’d be mad if I gave her this book for her birthday?
Another thing I liked about this book was the attitude with which Reivich and Shatte presented their material. Right off the bat, they establish realistic expectations with the reader and make it know that “the skills imparted in this book… are not a quick fix.” (p.5) They let the reader know that learning the skills will require a lot of hard work and dedication, while keeping the overall tone hopeful and encouraging. Many other “self-help” books struggle to achieve this type of balance, and most err on the side of hope, leaving hard work by the wayside.
Since reading this book I find myself noticing things about my behavior and the behavior of others. For example, there is a woman I work with, who is known for being difficult. She nitpicks incessantly at co-workers about unimportant details and seems to see herself as vital and irreplaceable to the restaurant, and just generally better than everyone else. Today was an incredibly busy day and all the servers were rushing around. This woman—we’ll call her “Jess”—and I were going to the bar to get our guest’s drinks. Her tray was sitting empty in front of my drinks, so, without thinking, I pushed it over to the side, maybe three inches. This action apparently makes “Jess” very upset. “How could you just move my tray like that?! That is so rude and disrespectful!” My first thought, of course, was “Man, what a bitch!” But, because of the book, my very next thought was, “Wow, I bet she’s got a pretty strong iceberg belief about respect!” This definitely gave me more empathy for her—it must be really draining to make sure that your rights are respected at every moment—but I couldn’t resist pointing out how rude it was of her to put her tray in front of my drinks, just to mess with her. Do you think she’d be mad if I gave her this book for her birthday?
I agree that it was
I agree that it was difficult to sit down and read this type of book in two weeks. I feel like I could have taken more of it in with a longer allotted time. It cracked me up to read how you were able to relate it to your life at work... that is so great! Also I agree and, thought you put it nicely, by saying that this book really did have a 'hopeful attitude' while still letting the reader know that if you wanted to gain skills you would have to work hard!
reply
Lauren, what a great recounting of using some of the techniques in this book in a real life situation. I don't often think about resiliency as something that leads to more empathy, yet you have pointed out how this is so through your interaction with your difficult co-worker.
After reading the book, I encountered adversity with a very good friend of mine but I haven't had time to do the exercises in the book to find out why I was so bothered by her comments. You inspire me to take the time to do some of the exercises.
I was also intrigued by the idea that these exercises can be used to help gain clarity and insight into difficult decisions, especially as I am faced with one now!
Thanks for your post.