Interdisciplinary Psychology:

Sue Wagaman

Positive Psychology

Review of book “The Resilience Factor”

February 12, 2008

1.  Resilience can affect performance in all areas of life including work, physical health, mental health, quality of relationships and is the key to satisfaction in life.  On page 11 in the book, the authors explain that more than 15 years of study at The University of Pennsylvania has found that resilience is essential to success and happiness in people’s lives.  The book states many times and in different ways that we can apply the skills of resilience to reach out and become the kind of person we want to be and have the kind of meaningful life we want.  This is basically done by becoming more aware of the kind of person you really are by examining your deep beliefs and values.  The book also helped me to realize again, how important our thinking process is to how we feel, who we think we are, and how we react to events in our life.  It also reminded me how important it is to be aware of my cognitive processes and the need to often check them and challenge them in order to become more resilient in life.  I found it interesting to think of our thinking processes as a “ticker-tape” running in our mind that can help or hurt us when evaluating life’s difficulties.  This ticker-tape can help or hurt our resilience.  It can also affect other areas in our life, such as our health.  In chapter 13 anxieties and stress and the negative effect on health are discussed.  It is interesting, once again, to see that studies find that resilience can a help our physical and mental health.  

I also found it fascinating that we accept and reject information based on what we believe to be true about ourselves or others. In other words, we throw out anything we learn that is contrary to our belief about ourselves and keep close those that are consistent.  A good example of this is in one of my daughters.  We were working on a problem that keeps reoccurring in her life.  I used the ABC’s and other skills set out in this book.  When it came to one of her “beliefs” she stated that she never finishes anything she begins.  As I worked with her to see the truth in this statement I realized that she was taking in only the facts that supported her belief and discounting everything that showed this statement false.  In fact, it actually became funny as she realized her list of finishing what she begins was much longer than the list of things she didn’t finish, but still she was persisting in believing the statement.  She keep minimizing the projects she finished and maximizing the ones she didn’t.   In fact, on the list of things she didn’t finish were only two things! 

Sue Wagaman

Feb 10, 2008

Activity three—Three Blessings

Before I began this activity I really thought that I “count my blessing” already.  I did not write down my blessings but I did try to think about them and notice when they happened throughout the day.  Well, I was wrong.  When I consciously had to think and write out the good things that happened in my day I found many things that I hadn’t noticed consciously come to mind.  In other words, I had blessings that would have gone unnoticed if I hadn’t taken time to think about my day and the blessings in my day. One such blessing was a small thing that I almost forgot about if I hadn’t had this activity to do in the evening.  Our oldest son called to get relationship advice from us.  This may seem small but he often keeps things inside so I was very happy that he thought of us when he needed someone to turn to.   I also noticed that during the week of this exercise I began to notice a pattern in what I chose to remember.  Therefore, I decided to try hard to think of blessings in an area of my life that I don’t notice.  Examples of this are, I notice how my kids are a blessing ‘overall’, but not the specific reasons.  I think I am lucky to have a job I love but not the specific examples of why I love it.  One day when I was looking for specific’s I realized that my daughter, Amanda had told me how much she appreciates me and feels lucky to have me as a mom.  She also took her younger sister to Starbucks with her just for fun.  Many times I do notice these things but I don’t realize the importance of them.  When I wrote them down I realized how I am lucky and blessed to have a 19 year old daughter that thinks she’s lucky to have me as a mom and one who will hang out with her 12 year old sister.  Many times I would have just said to myself…my kids are loving, nice and good friends to each other.  In contrast, when I am thinking of actual examples it reminds me to see specifically what they are doing and why this is a blessing.  Another example of this was last Saturday during my classes I had a participant tell me she loves my classes because I make them so fun especially because I seem to be having so much fun.  Since I have members tell me this weekly, I was ready to just file it away and feel happy that members like my classes.  When I wrote down the specific example it caused me to remember that not everyone gets these compliments every week and I shouldn’t just discount it.  It also helped me think about “why” the members feel this way and this not only made it seem more personal and special but encouraged me to keep it up!  Thinking about and writing down my blessings was a good way to see what I consider blessings.  Most centered around family, friends and work (although this was centered around people too).  I also felt lucky and blessed financially to be in the process of building a house and an office building.  But those things did not resonant quite as high as the blessings of “people”.  As stated in my gratitude letter response, I also realized that I go about my day knowing I am blessed but taking it for granted.  When I did this activity it helped me to put into words “why” I felt this way and how much I had to be grateful for.  It also helped me to focus on the positive, not the negative.  Another benefit for me was, usually before going to sleep I lie in bed and go over all the things I need to do or what didn’t get accomplished or what went wrong that day.  This activity helped me to try and put that aside and focus on the positive.  I think I will continue to do this, maybe not every night but at least a few times a week. This is a great activity for life and one that I really do need to practice more.

The experience of writing the gratitude letter was very interesting.  I did not think it would be so emotional.  As I was writing the letter I began to cry remembering how much Jeff means to me.  It is strange that I can go about my life and not consciously think about the reasons I am so thankful for my husband, Jeff.  When I had to write it in words I realized he is much more important to me than I thought, even though I knew he was I didn’t realize how much and in so many ways.  Since I am the type of person who prefers to talk things out I would not have chosen a letter.  I would have just wanted to “tell” him why I am grateful for him.  Now I see that writing can be much more powerful than speaking.  I think I need to do more of it, especially when I am feeling grateful.  I am thinking that I would like to do this for each of my children and my parents.  It is strange to me to think that it takes writing it down to see everything.  When I was writing the letter more and more ideas came to mind but I didn’t write everything because it won’t all fit in a short letter…29 years together is a long time to thank someone.  It was a very positive experience and helps me to love and appreciate Jeff even more. 

Three Blessings

Write down what happened and why each happened.

February 4, 2008, Monday

Activity 3:  “Three Blessings”

Positive Psychology

Lisa Wilson

            I enjoyed doing this activity.  Usually I think about all that I am grateful for on my drive into work.  It relaxes me and makes me appreciate my life.  In the evenings as I am going to bed, I generally think of all that has happened during the day and most, of course, is the negative things that played out.  So when I started this activity it was nice going to bed thinking about what I am grateful for instead of what went wrong.  I found myself more relaxed as I prepared for bed and I seemed to fall asleep faster once I got into bed.  I did as the exercised stated by naming my positive event, then visualizing it, and finally saying the name over and over in my head.  This was all good but I must confess that I rarely dreamt about my positive event.  The majority of the mornings I awoke remembering my dreams but there were some mornings that I couldn’t even remember putting my head down on the pillow.  However, I did wake up many mornings in a good mood, well rested and ready to start my day.