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Do Unto Others
Submitted by Lynn on Mon, 01/28/2008 - 2:55pm.
In August 2007 my very close friend moved to a warmer climate. This idea was presented to her by her husband of 30 years. They made the decision due to her health issues and the warm weather would help her pain. She moved from her 3000sf home to a condo of 900sf and furnished it with castoffs from their family home, because this was only “temporary” until he retired and moved there in a few years. He told her he would come down for long weekends and she would come home on holidays. At Thanksgiving, he went for a scheduled visit to celebrate the holiday but instead told her he had found someone new. He had never loved her in 30 years. He told her she was lousy partner, a terrible wife and mother…and the list goes on. Needless to say she is struggling. I have spent countless hours on the phone listening to her. She is scared, lonely and a victim of spousal abuse. She has shared horrible family secrets with me. Many things I did not want to hear and wish I had not heard. I feel these people are my family.She does not know how to pay a bill, what assets they have, how to open her own checking account, etc. She finally hired an attorney, now she has an impartial ear to vent towards. She tells me stories about the things he says to her and his aggressive actions towards her and their grown children. This gives me the opportunity to gently interject that what he is doing to her is abusive and a classic style of controlling her. I know she doesn’t consciously listen to me or if she does she doesn’t truly understand what I am suggesting. One day, when she has her AHA moment, all my comments will resonate in her head. Until then I know she is slowly digesting the information.I don’t think of this activity as being philanthropic. I see it as an opportunity to pay forward all the dialect graciously afforded me when I was the victim. I spent 7 years listening to good advice but not hearing. When you are caught in the tornado of domestic violence it’s seemingly impossible to slow down long enough to be rescued. What I do understand is the person caught in this trap needs a patient listening ear and the knowledge that no matter how many time they are sucked back into the funnel, the next time you reach out for a hand it’s still available. I feel extremely blessed that I have this gift to share.