Gratitude Sharing

Submitted by John L on Tue, 02/19/2008 - 6:28pm.

As I examined my list of the many people in my life I am grateful for, one special person kept creeping back into my mind. He has been my greatest friend for the past ten years. I have not included the letter as some of the content would violate his anonymity and confidentiality as we are both members of Alcoholics Anonymous. For me the experience of writing this letter gave me the opportunity to re-examine the wonderful journey we have shared over this past decade as we walked the road of recovery together. He was the best man at my wedding and I was the best man at his wedding and we are both still married, to the same wives.

 

When I called him to ask if he wanted to have lunch, the answer was yes. This is characteristic as he has never turned me down. At the restaurant I made certain we had an area of some privacy because it would not have been fair to illicit his emotions in front of too many strangers. As I recounted my appreciation of such a wonderful relationship I believe we both experienced some “flow”. It was as if there was a bubble around us and time stood still. He was somewhat blown away and asked why I was doing this and that he knew how I felt about our relationship and he also placed the same value on our bond. I explained a little about positive psychology and the exercise. One thing became apparent to me which I shared with him and he heartily agreed. The fact that we know or assume we know the value of friendships or gratitude does not compare with the act of sharing it one on one in writing. Thanks for the assignment it has increased an already awesome friendship.

Karen Jones's picture
Submitted by Karen Jones on Wed, 02/20/2008 - 6:45pm.

Sounds really rewarding. There is nothing like a good friend who you grow with. Thanks for sharing this with us.


Lauren's picture
Submitted by Lauren on Wed, 02/20/2008 - 5:39pm.
You are right about the assumptions we make about our relationships. A lot of the time we don't even realized what it is we really appreciate about a person until you're kind of forced to sit down and articulate it in concrete terms. So often we show our appreciation of people with a "you're the best"  or something equally vague, which is still nice but doesn't really mean anything. It sounds like your friend really appreciated the letter.

Sue-Marie's picture
Submitted by Sue-Marie on Wed, 02/20/2008 - 11:24am.

John, I applaud you for choosing a male friend with whom to do this exercise.  I notice in my own life, and certainly in the psych literature, how our culture does not support men openly expressing their gratitude for one another.  Sometimes I hear men speak and I can't even interpret what they are saying--like when one guy I know said to his buddy, "Get your 40?" "Yep!"  I asked what they were talking about, and the first guy was asking if his friend managed to work 40 hours that week, since he is a private paint contractor.  They didn't look at each other, and only spoke about work in this abbreviated "manspeak."

 

I have to say, it warms my heart whenever men connect honestly and compassionately.  It makes me feel hopeful for the future of the planet!