Elevator Ride

Lynn's picture
Submitted by Lynn on Mon, 01/28/2008 - 8:39pm.
Goin’up; 1)  I reflect on how wonderfully peaceful my life is today as compared to 18 months ago. I sit in my home by myself enjoying my surroundings, knowing I am in complete control of my world. I know I have the power to remove anything or anyone who interferes with my well being.   2)  I do all the things I was told I could not do, for whatever reason???? Last week I moved a cord of firewood and made room for another some friends delivered. Then I learned how to split it…I only had one moment of concern (for me and my friend I called for technical advice)…”what does it mean when the splitting mall bounces off the round?”  My friends are always eager to come to rescue me, but I made it clear I needed to do this for me. And I did it. After that I took a long Jacuzzi bath, I think I found heaven. Of course the best thing I do for me is take my dog jack for a walk, he always makes me laugh.  Down please; 3)  I am trying to meditate. This is very difficult for me because I have a hard time turning my mind off when I am sitting still. Most of the time, my meditative efforts turn into waging a war on my thoughts. When bad thoughts flood my mind I tell myself to stop it, stop it. When I make no progress, I turn to happy thoughts from my past. I have worked hard on my PTSD for the last year and I have developed useful tools to help me overcome the trauma. My most effective tool is to recall times with my grandpa and him patting me on the head. Another is to look around, take an inventory of my life and tell myself over and over how blessed I am. This always puts a smile on my face.

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I am so glad that you are
Steven's picture
Submitted by Steven on Wed, 01/30/2008 - 9:02pm.
I am so glad that you are able to reflect so well on the things that have gone wonderfully in your life, even with dealing with PTSD. I know that it can be difficult to do so when you are dealing with PTSD, i know that i did for a long time. And I can understand what you mean about meditating is difficult for you, it is for me as well, i constantly relive my trauma when i meditate which is not good.

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How much wood would a wood chuck chuck...
Brandon's picture
Submitted by Brandon on Wed, 01/30/2008 - 3:52pm.
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Lynn- I really enjoyed your post. You touched on something that I have always been a big believer in. You say that one of the things that lift your mood is doing things for yourself. I couldn’t agree more with you on this perspective. When someone is faced with overcoming a traumatic event one of the key elements in that healing process is the ability to gain back the feeling of control. It would have been easy to ask your fiends to come by and split the wood for you.  By doing it yourself you give yourself an opportunity to overcome an obstacle and thus giving yourself the chance to feel successful, capable, and in control of your own situation. Nice work.

 

P.S. I’m glad you liked the puzzle metaphor.  

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Hi Lynn, I enjoyed reading
Sue-Marie's picture
Submitted by Sue-Marie on Tue, 01/29/2008 - 1:04pm.

Hi Lynn, I enjoyed reading your post.  I have a feeling we may have a lot in common.  I am also dealing with some past trauma issues, and I also stop, look around, and notice how good my life is when I start to feel frightened.  I notice I don't feel frightened very much anymore.  Usually my fear exists only in my mind, and since I can't perceive anything to be fearful of through any of my other sense organs, I know it is just my mind playing tricks on me (again!).

I have been meditating for a couple years now.  I never try to stop my thoughts, because I find this to be an unrealistic goal that just makes me feel frustrated.  When I meditate, I notice my thoughts.  Then I redirect my attention back to my breathing.  My mind bounces around much less than it used to, but it really isn't a goal of mine to stop my thoughts.  Sometimes when I am too distracted, I will do mindful walking instead of sitting meditation.  When I do this, I notice what it feels like when my foot makes contact with the ground.  At the suggestion of Thich Nhat Hahn, I imagine my feet are massaging Earth, and that I am telling her how happy I am to be touching her.


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Doing things you are "not supposed to do"
Jeanne K.'s picture
Submitted by Jeanne K. on Tue, 01/29/2008 - 12:54pm.
Hey Lynn! I'm guessing that the things you were not supposed to do such as split wood and move heavy objects have something with being a woman and leaving those physical activities to the men. Rock on with your bad self! i have to say I've always found pleasure in proving that I can do just about anything the guys can do, within reason, as well. It's satisfying to be a self sufficient woman who can take care of herself. don't get me wrong, having the right man around who respects you and your needs Is also a very satisfying experience but is in no way necessary!!!

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